My soulmate died on the day I turned 18

When people ask me why I can't seem to make relationships work, I always say I TRY to make them work, it's just that something is always missing. He's not the One. And I'm not going to find the One in this lifetime because he died on my 18th birthday. I get strange looks because of this statement. Here's my story:

The day started out ordinarily enough. I had just the one class that day. A mind-numbing session of Econ 100.2 held at the auditorium, with 3 other blocks.

I remember while waiting for class, I was flirting and laughing. Because I was young and happy and had my whole life stretched out before me. I spent class alternately listening and watching the graphs being flashed on the screen and passing notes and giggling with my seatmates.

It was a normal day, until it wasn't.

I was on my way home when it happened. A sudden crushing sadness that made tears spring to my eyes. The kind where it grips your lungs and you can't breathe. If I didn't know better, I would have said that a dementor had gotten into the car with me. But it wasn't, because it wasn't cold. (Back then I didn't know about dementors anyway, Harry Potter hadn't yet made that big an impact in the Philippines).

I blinked back the tears and tried to breathe, and I wondered what had happened to me. I had no obvious reasons to suddenly feel so sad.

I wrote off the entire incident as hormones or maybe a chemical imbalance in my brain, but it has always stayed with me. Until now, I haven't felt that same level of loss as I did that day.

But since that day, I have had this empty place which nothing can seem to fill. I may be happy but there's that. Empty. Dark.

I never met him. And I don't have flashbacks of past lives bothering me. But this lifetime is really screwed up. He wasn't supposed to die. I don't know how many lifetimes it will take until all the circumstances are right for us to meet again. Because it was supposed to be this lifetime. And now I think he's lost. And I still have my whole life stretched out before me. Or lifetimes.

Until my soul finds yours.