on the mystery of life

I  hold life so cheaply that it causes me amazement that those who have so much less than me cling to life so tenaciously.

Have they found an elixir to make everything seem so golden? A poison to make you love and enjoy, even as life slowly kills you?

Or maybe that's the beauty of life that I seem to have missed.

Work Portals

Wouldn't it be great if we had portals that connected our work cubes/space with our bedrooms?

Wake up late?

Rush through your morning routine. Step through the portal. Whoosh. Not late.

Want a nap in the middle of the workday, or really, at any time at all?

Get up from your office chair. Step through portal. Whoosh. In your bedroom.

Wake up refreshed. Step through portal. Whoosh. Back at the office.

The portal would be calibrated to you specifically, of course. We don't want just anybody stepping through it into your bedroom after all.

Or the wizards should just democratize the knowledge on how to disapparate. Pffftt.

2013 Resolutions

I was having a hard time coming up with what I really wanted to focus on for 2013. Until I received an email from a friend who shall not be named! It was a forwarded email of (of all things!) a novena to St. Joseph....for a good spouse! Hahaha!

Well, aaaanyywaayyy, I know she meant well, and after some research (because I'm OC like that) I found out that the St. Joseph novena also works for career, and real estate concerns. Hmmmm....

Well, I'm quite happy with my job. I could always use more real estate (hehehe). Uhm, a good spouse? I'm sure that will be nice in the future, but it requires commitment, right??? Geez, even the novena requires some level of commitment and effort. :)

But, I digress. I made up my mind about my resolutions! I've narrowed it down to one!

CREATE!

it could be anything...artistic projects, opportunities, happiness, discord (jk)....

or

procreate. Yeah, that'll do.:)

I just wanted to say that my heart is was invested in you. However, recent developments i.e. increasingly negative returns, pessimistic projections with little or no possibility of a turnaround; have forced me to reconsider my options.

Thus, it is with not a little sadness that I regret to inform you of my intention to terminate this arrangement. I am hereby taking back my heart, with or without your consent. You may keep any bits and pieces that will inevitably be left behind. Salvage costs and what-not, if you will.

While this arrangement has not been profitable, it has been a learning experience.

Thank you very much.

Dear Diary,

I think I've been stupid long enough, 'no? There's no need for a prolonged goodbye. I should Just Stop.

We found love?

'Now that we found love, what are we going to do with it?' So sang Jamaican rapper Heavy D many years ago. An opportunity to re-commence dialogue with a certain person will soon present itself. You can embark upon a strong, loving relationship with someone now, despite your reasons for being hesitant or cautious. Taking things slowly and rebuilding trust will do much to bring you and someone together, if that is what you both want. freehoroscopesastrology.com

 Oh dear. I wonder who this one is.

I wanted to

fall in love, so I did.

Relax, dude!

I'm not going to go all "The Rules" on you.

Flash Mob

Something new in my To-Do List:

Participate in a flash mob. 

Somewhere within Manila, QC, Makati.

How to turn your life around

I really have no idea.

Healing

What my horoscope says for today:

For anything to heal, certain circumstances must be created. Healing can only take place in particular environments and enough time and patience need to be given for something to heal properly. You appear to be in a process of healing now in some way. You are adjusting to a new set of circumstances that probably aren't easy to adjust to at this early stage. Before this month is through, you will be very aware of how much better an awkward situation has become. http://www.freehoroscopesastrology.com/

I'm glad my horoscope agrees with what I'm setting out to do.

F*ck you f*ck you f*ck you.

And for the last time, f*ck you.

What I've been doing

So this has been one crazy December. Coming off a two-week vacation at the end of November, I entered December in a really good, but admittedly lazy, mindset.

The family put  up the Christmas tree while I was gone. It collapsed the second day I was back, prompting me to declare that "Christmas is cancelled!" It's my inner scrooge. Hehehe. We put the Christmas tree back up.

Beginning December, I didn't mind that Christmas and New Year would fall on weekends. I felt complacent since I'd done the bulk of my gift shopping in October. (How's that for being a responsible adult? Ha!) I left out buying anything for the office so I had to rush that on the second December weekend.

Oh! My birthday! Well, I got my license renewed, went to the office, had dinner with En and Er. It was a great dinner, except that I wasn't feeling so great by dessert time. I was distinctly queasy and asked to cut short the dinner. En drove me home and I threw up in the car. (Ewwww) Well, not in the car car, but in a tissue box while in the car. Hahaha!

Spent the rest of Friday night and early Saturday morning kneeling before the white throne. Slept the whole day. Watched the azkals game on TV. Started manifesting a fever at about 6pm until my temperature peaked at 38.6C. Woke up on Sunday with no other symptoms except for lack of appetite. (My sister started her stomach bug a few hours earlier, and my brother fully developed the flu). Happy birthday to me! We had lechon and cake. (Though I wasn't able to eat much.)

Then the slew of birthday lunches and dinners and christmas get-togethers. I'm tired and my wallet is tired and my credit card is peeling. Hehehe. There were a couple of disappointments regarding my birthday, though, but I guess you really can't have it all. (But, we could've had it all!!!!!)

M offered to drive me home but I said no. I hope he doesn't take it as a "I'm not interested." It's just that that was a bad time since K and I had other plans that night. So, M, let's try it again, okay?

The office Christmas party. Gifts. Lots of food and christmas goodies. To hell with RTH. I'll just put it in my 2012 resolutions.

Anyway, I've got two more working days until the Christmas/weekend. Another 4 working days until New Year/weekend. And bam! its 2012!

I can already tell it's going to be a great 2012. Why do I know this? Because first day back at work, January 2, I'd be leading the flag ceremony at the office. Oh dear.

Another Jump Shot

I went to Bohol with the family and G, from the office. I'm still sorting through the photos, but here's a jump shot at the resort.

Ignore my photo-bombing sister in the background.

An ode to the UP Pep Squad for winning the 2011 UAAP Cheerdancing Competition.

I may be out of shape. I may be tired from walking all day. But I can still do a pretty decent jump, even in tight jeans. Bwahahaha!

As if I wasn't confused enough

"Sometimes I feel scared and alone, and while I’m pretending I don’t like you like that, I know for certain that you will always be there for me when I need you, and I’m scared that if you knew how I really felt, you wouldn’t be there for me at all."

Why I Pretend I Don’t Like You Like That

From http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/why-i-pretend-i-dont-like-you-like-that/

I’m pretending that I don’t like you like that, and I bet you don’t even know. Why would you? I’ve put a lot of effort into this charade, and I’m pulling it off with such ease I’ve almost even convinced myself that I don’t like you like that. Sort of like that creepy thing people do when they’re sad and just smile anyway; eventually the smile becomes real, and the forced weirdness just fades away.

So listen, instead of telling you I like you like that, this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to tell you about some other guy I think is hot or who I’ve slept with recently. Maybe I want you to get jealous, but mostly I just want you to get the impression that I don’t like you like that. I’ll probably hit you in the arm when you say something funny, or brush against you as I’m getting a drink at the bar. Maybe I want you to like it, to think about what if I were naked, but mostly I just want to be close to you in the most inconspicuous way possible.

I’ll keep hanging out with you, so you will know I want to be friends, but sometimes when you text, I wont answer immediately, and sometimes I’ll have other plans that I won’t change to see you, because I want you to think that I don’t like you like that. Sometimes I think that if you do like me like that, I want you to feel the way I feel when I think you don’t like me like that — and when I think these things it makes me an awful person, and I wish I could be less vindictive about it. I pretend that I don’t like you like that because I don’t want you to have the satisfaction of knowing that I do.

Right now I’m wondering if you’re reading this and wondering if it’s you, because if you are then maybe you like me like that too, or maybe you just see right through me and my façade isn’t as perfectly curated for emotion as I thought it was. You know we have fun; I see how you laugh when I tell jokes. Sometimes it makes me think that you like me like that too, but it’s not hard to convince myself of my former opinion — that of course you don’t like me like that. So I’m going to keep pretending I don’t like you like that (maybe forever) because I’m terrified that you don’t like me like that in return.

What you don’t know is that sometimes I can sleep at night because I’m thinking about you. I’ll smile about something you said and concoct scenarios in which you’re madly in love with me and we’re vacationing in some exotic location, drinking out of coconuts. What you don’t know is that when other guys, great guys, make passes at me I reject them because I know it’s unfair to give them my kisses when really it’s you I’m picturing kissing me back. What you don’t know is that every time my phone lights up with a text from you, I feel as giddy as a school girl and I tell all my friends, even if it’s as simple a text as, “How you doing?”

And you’re never going to know any of this (do you think that’s poignant or pathetic?) because I can’t stand the thought of you rejecting me. I would prefer to watch you hand in hand with a thousand girls that aren’t me than to hear that we will never be together. I’m going to keep pretending that I don’t like you like that because as long as I am, I can pretend that maybe one day you will like me like that too. Because in this big city, sometimes I feel scared and alone, and while I’m pretending I don’t like you like that, I know for certain that you will always be there for me when I need you, and I’m scared that if you knew how I really felt, you wouldn’t be there for me at all.

Inside my mind

"If you wanted to talk to me, you would."

 Considering the fact that you have not talked to me in a while:

Me: "This applies to me also. So if I want to talk to you, I would."

Other Person with Me: "I'm going to walk away now."

Other Other Person with Me: "Well, that was a slap in the face."

Other Person with Me: "Seriously, you didn't see that one coming?"

Me: "Shut up you guys, I can't hear myself think."

Everyone shuts up.

Other Person With Me: "You don't suppose he's too busy now, do you?

Do you know what orange means?

I'm afraid to ask C. Hahaha!

Books vs. real life

Have you ever noticed that a lot of contemporary romance novels start with the premise of one party needing the other party to pretend to be in love or something? Like for their career, as a screen, to please a member of the family? And they end up together?

I wonder if that works in real life.

Real life: No, of course not. That's stupid.

Great! I'll try it tomorrow.

Masked Murder-er

So, apparently, there's a statistical study about this. Mind you, I don't always crawl on the ground. Sometimes I hurry from one column to the next, always hugging the wall. I make sure that I look through the window at an angle (usually just through a gap in the curtain), the way you see them do it in movies. That way you can see outside, but they can't see you.

Source: featherweightt.tumblr.com via Elizabeth on Pinterest

Sometimes, I pretend I'm not home. Or sometimes, I shout:

"We don't live here anymore!"

blocked

I don't think I'll finish "David and Steffi" in the near future.

The only thing I've written on Part IV: "I blew on my coffee as"

That's it.

Got another story playing around in  my mind.

Weirdo.

"Wow! You really know a lot of things!"

"Yes, I do. 'Coz google is my uncle."