the aftermath

First, I'll explain the photo...it's just a bit of photoshop magic -- a photo of you from friendster, an unpublished photo of me...my friends say we look good together, I always wished we could be together.

After I learned your news, I lost all drive to work. Admittedly, I didn't hate my job, but you were really the reason I got up each day and went to work.

By now, I'm seriously considering messaging you in friendster to ask for your number....but I've been burnt twice -- two times I've sent you messages with no reply from you.

May 6 - last day

You were waiting for us at lunch...you were chatting with Angelo...You look great in black, by the way. But then you dropped your bombshell...Your division has been dissolved and your last day for work will be on Friday, May 8!!!

I'm sorry I didn't have anything to say...I must have looked stupid - speechless - I was shellshocked.

Still, I do thank you for telling me in person. I should have asked for your number then. But I didn't.

So I promised myself that if I saw you on Thursday or Friday, I'd muster enough courage to go up to you and ask for your number. But I never had the chance...I didn't even get a glimpse of you.

May 5

I worked late that night. When I came down to the parking elevators, you were there with a group of your officemates... I pretended not to notice you, pretended I was tired...Maybe if I had really looked at you I would have realized that all was not well with you either...

wala lang

The rest of our interactions were mostly his and hellos. Nothing really developed, but I must admit that I looked forward to going to work simply because of the thought that I might see you that day. Pathetic, I know, but there it is.

I have to say that watson's and ministop were becoming my favorite places. hahaha.

Of course, I also had my share of despair. One time while having dinner with S and Angelo at Lemon Twist, we saw you on a date!!! Ouch! Then a couple of weeks later, I'm not sure if its the same girl, you were with someone for lunch. Double ouch!

I finally mustered enough courage to add you in friendster... you sure kept me waiting long enough before you added me..plus, the day you added me, what was up with your friends that lunch time? I've never seen such weird behavior! I was tempted to look behind me to see who you were looking at even though we all know it was me. I sure hope you guys were entertained, maybe I should have danced or something so you'd have something to look at. Maybe I should have smiled? Please ask Paolo what that wave was about. I never told S and N about it.

Well, at least your friendster status is still single...

some background

I remember first knowing about you when S mentioned that someone was checking her out at the food park...hehe...sure enough, you were. You always used to walk at the back of Paolo's group. You looked quiet and shy, and I didn't really notice you then, and you never really saw me either.

Two moments stand out in my mind though, when I was sure you saw me (before we were even introduced).

One, I was walking behind S, and you were walking toward us... When you were in front of us you said "hi" in what to me sounded like a really modulated voice...S didn't hear you, but I did. Sorry, I found it funny, and I think I was smiling really big when our eyes met.

Two, you were waiting at Country Style, I was walking towards Juana Bowl, our eyes met and you didn't look away for the longest time... I might have smiled, I can't remember. I'm just thankful I didn't bump anyone.

So there...these were defining moments that made me realize that I wanted to meet you...I wanted you for myself (psycho!!!), made me think that maybe I had a fighting chance...

Congratulations

Finally, you were back at work..and you had good news to share. You topped the board exam for landscape architects. You looked really pleased with yourself..I was really proud and scared.

I told S, "paano na yan...he's gorgeous AND smart". I'm sure I'm not the only woman throwing myself at you. hahaha.

Sure enough, a couple of weeks later, while having dinner with S and Angelo, we saw you...On a date...Ouch!

the invitation

a week after meeting you, I accosted (there's no other word for it) you at watson's...on the pretext of buying a roll of candy. It was really crazy considering that I didn't even have any money on me at that time. I said "hi", you said "hi" back. Can't recall the conversation verbatim, but those few minutes when I stood in line behind you were whew! the highlight of my month. I asked if you'd want to go to a charity party a sorority was giving....

you later said no. This was fine with me, although I regret not clarifying that it was you I was asking to go and I couldn't care less if S's Paolo would come.

You're first no was ok... I thought I'd have next times to look forward to. Then you didn't show up for work the next week.......

February 17

I still remember the day we were introduced....it was grace's birthday, a tuesday. After much begging, (and finally the opportunity and timing was just right), N finally introduced me to you. You were ever so polite, and even more gorgeous up close...Chino Reyes...who would have known?

I certainly didn't.

post mortem

we broke up a week after that. nothing hysterical...just a desultory phonecall. I should probably be insulted...but can't muster enough angst. last I heard he's seeing someone else now. last I examined my life, I'm still single...and half-heartedly blogging about it. it's really quite depressing, isn't it?

continuation

it was the quietest ride home. we haven't been together long enough for me to tell if it was one of those comfortable silences....aw heck!!! it was damned uncomfortable... I was thinking "ohshitohshitohshit"

my muscles ached from sitting so still so I won't appear affected, except I probably looked constipated with the tension.

he turned on the radio. we both had nothing to say. I don't know what he was thinking, probably what he wanted for dinner. we really had nothing to say. let's just say that the 20-minute ride home took forever.

and in one of those scenes (which only happens in movies) the skies turned dark and lightning flashed in the distance....how fitting.

finally, we arrived at our house, I couldn't wait to get out of the car (haha, before the rain started to fall)...

him: so...about next week...?
(we were supposed to go to his friend's engagement party. what is it with getting married these days?)

me: yeah... I'll be ready. Pick me up at 2?

silence

him: yeah, about that...I was thinking maybe I should go alone...

me: oh!....okay....I really don't know anyone there anyway...
bitchy me screaming in my head: since when? since kanina? and what am I going to do with the dress I bought?!!!

rain was falling, more silence inside the car

me: look, I'd better get inside. text me when you get home. bye.
(thought about our usual goodbye kiss, but decided not to and rushed out of the car...didn't look back...hey, he didn't even wait for me to get inside the house like he usually does)

to be continued

the sun was shining, the sky and sea were blue, and there was a cool breeze to make the day just perfect.

I was lying on my lounger, trying to muddle my way through a difficult sudoku puzzle when he said:

"I think we should get married."

that made me sit up. I whipped off my overpriced roberto cavalli sunglasses and stared at my boyfriend of 1 month, 2 weeks, 5 days and 6 hours (I draw the line at counting minutes) and said in my usual eloquent way:

"huh?!"

and he said it again.

"I think we should get married."

ulap at kawit ng kuryente (clouds and power lines)