dreaming in picasso

sometimes you run to see who would come after you

sometimes you wake up and you're already running
look ahead, far ahead, do you see a goal?

no?
look behind you, is someone there?
is he running after you or chasing you away?

if no one is behind you, why are you running?
can you see where you are?
do you know who you are?

will you know when to stop?
can you stop?

sometimes when I'm running I stop right in the middle and look around
and marvel at how far I've come but with no idea of where I am
or where I'm going
sometimes I forget why I'm running
there's a faint tingle in my memory
a slight brush of fate, sometimes a face, mostly your eyes

I see myself but not myself
yes, myself but so different, enough to not be me but still me
who knew a person could change so much?
who knew that you would change me this much?

but then the strangeness of it all chills me
I look at the empty eyes of the me who isn't me
and she is looking at me, in me, because she is me
and she is alone and it is my fault
because you are gone and it is my doing
and she blames me as I deserve

and  I remember why I am running
not away but to you
but you are no longer there
I speed up, pumping my legs, my lungs aching
I catch sight of you, a distant speck in the never-ending horizon
I am renewed with hope, and though I think it impossible
I gain more speed, closing the distance
Until my eyes adjust, and see you clearer
you are not alone

The wind leaves my lungs
I fall to my knees.

I am alone.