Just decide

Lying awake, staring at the ceiling and clutching your phone during the very early hours of the morning and after a late night is never a good sign. Ok, usually not a good sign.

Whatever it is that's bugging you, it's something that needs a decision from you.

Pursue it to the end, whether good or bad. Choose it because it might make you happy. Well, happier than you are now. Or, if it doesn't end well, at least, you know that you did something about it. That nothing more could have been done to save it. Grasp those last few moments when you convince yourself that that is what you want. If it ends well, then by God,  it ends well and you will be the happier for it.

Walk away. Just pick up and walk away. Decide that this is it and no amount of prayer and effort and hoping will change anything. That even if anything does change, it will be tainted and will in the long-run be something that disappoints you. How everything stands now isn't what you want. That it would be better to cut all ties now rather than go through the motions of planning for a future that will never be. A future that isn't looking as promising as it used to be.

Either way it's hard. The hope that everything will work out may paralyze you. If you do walk away, the regret may paralyze you. It will be harder to get out bed in the mornings. Inspiration will fail you. Food will be tasteless (oh, or food will be the only comfort).

Choosing to stay may bring disappointments and regret OR happiness. Real.

Walking away may bring regret. Mostly imaginary.

What you don't know won't hurt you. Bury your head under your pillow.

Choosing to stay means that another decision must be made later. So many other decisions.

Walking away leads to one or two. Move on and find another happiness or wallow in regret.

Just decide. End it now or give a few more months or years of your life for that glimpse of happiness beckoning despite all the confusion and darkness now.

Choose to go, escape if you have to. Run away. Choose not to go, not choosing anything means you're choosing not to go. Your choice.

Decide.