What scares me?

it scares me that we are okay together. no extreme highs and lows. just a stable pace. not monotonous. feels like we can go on for days and days and reach forever. that kind of ok.

it scares me that i get nervous around you sometimes and my brain fogs up and i don't see or hear or think.

it scares me that when i look at you i can see us together, with kids, damn it!, being the perfect middle class suburban family.
it scares me that i get this feeling that i can totally lose myself in you. and it scares me that i'm not sure if i can come out the other side, still me or better or lost. and despite this uncertainty, it scares me that i'm willing to try anyway.

it scares me how i keep pushing you away because i'm scared, and it scares me how you keep coming back.
it scares me how comfortable we are with each other. it scares me how after several days apart, we can pick up our conversation as if only moments have passed.

it scares me how you're always there for me, even on my worst days. with your caring, your understanding, your humor.

it scares me that you understand me so well and know when to call me out and when to indulge me. 

it scares me that you might know me better than i do myself. and it scares me that knowing all these, you still want to be with me.

it scares me how warm you feel to me when i touch you. like you're the only real person around me. it scares me that i feel so safe when i'm with you.

it scares me how much i want to be within the cradle of your arms at night. it scares me that when you kiss me i never want you to stop.

it scares me that it's probably going to be easy between us. it scares me that we might be perfect for each other.

it scares me that i might wrong about everything about us. it scares me that there is an "us".

and it scares me because i think i love you. and it scares me more because i think you love me back.