Something to think about

I almost always start out with good intentions....

An excerpt from Smooth Talking Stranger by Lisa Kleypas

* * * * *
"Unfortunately, I'm temptable."

"I like that in a woman. It almost makes up for your conscience."

x x x

"I should have told you to go to hell."

"I knew you wouldn't."

"How?"

"Because women who are willing to cheat a little can always be talked into cheating a lot."

* * * * *

Obviously, I get my philosophical and self-awareness advice from romance novels.  Hence, my slightly skewed take on life. Nyark.

Osama Bin Laden is dead

and America rejoices. Read article here.

I'm not Muslim. I'm not American. I'm completely apathetic when it comes to politics. I vote based on platform and programs, and sometimes, because the candidate is endorsed by someone I know.

However, I feel that it is completely inappropriate to show the type of revelry that has arisen because of the death of one man.  Sure, this man caused the death of thousands of people, injured countless other, and doubtless, affected innumerable families.  But does his death really call for this kind of celebration?

Let us remember that Osama was a human being, too. A person with family and friends. Let us not forget that he has supporters.  There are those who believe in his cause.  There are those who have died and who will die for his cause.  There are others who will carry on what he has begun.

Don't get me wrong.  I mourned when I found out about the 9/11 attacks. That was a tragedy. Today's death is just vengeance. And violence begets more violence.

I don't want to be an alarmist (but I usually am), but a good commander always has failsafes. A war is not won nor fought by one man.  There is no doubt that while Osama's death may be a blow to the jihad, it is far from over.

Was justice done? Maybe it's enough for the families of those who died in 9/11. But I don't know if any justice was achieved today.

hopeful self-doubt

I think I'm a bad person.

I'm probably a villain in somebody's life story.  Maybe my brother's, a friend's, even my best friend's.

Ohmygod! What if I'm the villain in MY story?!

Oh, well, I'll just think of Megamind.  He had a happy ending, didn't he?

Sorry

I know it's a little late to say, "I'm sorry"
But I hope it's not too late to make amends
I give you all my love
I pray you'll give me one more chance
Let me be your friend again
Please. I'm so empty without you.

________________________________________
Journal entry dated July 11, 1999 - for P, when I royally screwed up

Denial

escape
into the refuge of my sleep
i ran from you
swept
along the darkness of my mind
i cried for you
lost against the grasping of her hands
i fought for you
adrift
in the turmoil of my dreams
i searched for you
cursed
to live a life alone
i longed for you
pain
of my illusions shattered
i loved  you
awake
only to memories of you
i still love  you

____________________________________
Journal entry dated January 28, 1999 - for J, who never looked back

A favorite poem

A poem by Kuan Tao-Sheng (I've lost the information on who translated this one)

Take a lump of clay

Wet it, pat it,

Make a statue of you

And a statue of me.

Then shatter them, clatter them,

Add some water,

And break them and mold them

Into a statue of you

And a statue of me.

Then in mine, there are bits of you

And in you there are bits of me

Nothing ever shall keep us apart.

I didn't know my mom wanted me to get married already

Lazy night watching the American Idol rerun with my Mom.  I was asking her to rub/scratch my back.  As is our usual "drama", she pretended to give me her back scratcher from Baguio.  I told her it feels better when somebody else scratches my back.  And I reminded her that I'm just following her advice that "ang kati kinakamot, hindi pinapakasalan" (roughly translated to: "scratch the itch, don't marry it"?)

Well, anyway, she had the perfect comeback this time, which had both of us laughing:

"Pakasalan mo na, parang awa mo na!!!"  

(Roughly translated to: "please go ahead and marry!", or maybe: "For the love of God, get married already!!!")

Eeep.

i got a haircut

I'm glad we're trying to work through all the bullshit. I just didn't realize we'd have to flay open all our scars.

I'm beginning to realize that it will never be same between us.  And since it was a rather frustrating day, I had another off-with-the-hair moment.  It's now just about chin length.  And my hair never agrees with being short.

not thinking of you

So I've been trying not to think of you.  I was about to congratulate myself that I haven't thought of you the entire day.  Then I realized that I was thinking about you when I thought that I didn't think of you ....

Pfft. I'm not ready to declare that this is a losing battle.

Poker night

Poker night with the boys.

I've been playing cautiously all night.  On my declared last hand, because I was already feeling sleepy, I got two aces, a ten of hearts, a 3 of diamonds and a 4 of clubs.

The flop revealed the ace of hearts, the 7 of spades, and the 4 of spades.  I anted up for the full house that I already have.  Everyone else folded except for 2 other players.  I figured they had flushes because of the flop.

Turn was a 2 of hearts. I called.

River was a 10 of spades.  I figured oh yeah flushes. The other player folded. I went all in.

I lost. Because of a 10-high straight flush. :(

I thought, "Dear Lord, if you're going to make me this unlucky at cards, you could at least make me a little bit lucky in love.  Even just a little bit."

Then I looked at my opponent, he was slightly drunk, slightly overweight, and I remembered he had a girlfriend who earned more than me.

That is just sooooo wrong. Who agrees with me?

Before I forget

I just went through an entire conversation with you without any snide remarks.  'Course the fact that it went like this probably helped:

Ano nangyari?

Wala naman. Nagkita kami ni toot-toot.

Ah...Eh di ayos. So anong gagawin mo?

Wala naman. Parang pag-iisipan ko muna.

Hay naku! Good luck to us!

Flirting advice

When I was 14 (yes, 14!),  my Dad told me that if I liked a boy, I should wink at said boy to show my feelings.

If I had followed this advice, I can just imagine scores of guys (Yes, I was a precocious teen, I had a multitude of crushes*) who will forever harbor the image of me winking at them.  Or the countless strangers who will have a vague memory of some weirdo girl who had a tic and leered at them. Twehehe.

Anyway, I never did follow my dad's advice.

But here I am, my dad just asked me when was the last time I went out on a date, and I didn't have a ready answer. Because I haven't kept track of the last time I went out on a date. And unfortunately the last one was so long ago it requires an actual counting of years. :(( Boohoo.

I've followed my mom's advice that "hindi pinapakasalan ang kati".  But since I'm dateless and significant-other-less, I'm beginning to seriously consider following my dad's advice. So if you see me winking...




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* Not as precocious as my older sister though, who when she was 11 (I was only 2 at that time I guess) asked Dad: "Daddy, what's libog?"