Conflicted

I really only noticed you that time at the seminar when you got called...we were sitting on the same row, after you answered the question, our eyes met, and I felt your ANGAS! Believe me, I was challenged! Spent some time arguing with myself if I'm ready to go down that road again. Whatever, I've always been weak.

So, one saturday, S was late, you were there, I asked you to sit beside me. Hahaha! Sorry, S. But we sure had a laugh about it later, di ba? We ended up spending the entire morning together (me, you, S, and later, R), eating lunch together and generally having great conversation. (Starry eyed ako non eh). I found out that day that you have a girlfriend...to whom you are considering proposing marriage to by the end of the year. I thought, well, ok lang yan, this is just for fun.

We spent some more time together over the next few weeks. You're sometimes flirty, sometimes boring. But I still like you anyway. We've become comfortable enough that we can sit and stand so close together, I get sooooo kilig! Hahahaha. But admittedly, while we're comfortable in each other's space, we have not yet broken the touch barrier.

And now, I have to admit that I am in so much trouble!!!! May tama na ako, big-time. And while my previous experience has shown that I have no qualms about being the other woman (hehehe), I find that I am strangely reluctant to take any further steps in this relationship. I don't know HER personally, but I guess I must really be getting old, or growing a conscience. I can't get my mind to accept the fact that if I choose to pursue this, I might be causing so much pain to another woman. Another woman, who, from my "research", has already experienced so much pain from you. I can't add to that. I'm at that stage in my life where I've lost the arrogance of youth and I'm recognizing that karma does happen. Hell, this may already my karma for my less than sterling 20s. (Feeling 30 na ko talaga, hahaha!)

Take note, I'm not even considering if you like me back... I'm definitely sure that you don't dislike me. This is between me, my heart, my mind, and HER. I'm crazy.

The frou-frou dog really threw me.