"What"

What is a bad word
does not tell you why or how
nor who when or where

An English language assignment

Alliterations and (made-up) collective nouns. Please help!

A  - anthems of apathy

B  - bastions of bastardy, babble of bitches

C  -coils of confusion

D  - dregs of drudgery

E  - excess of emotion

F  - flights of fancy

G  - gaggle of geese

H  - hints of happiness

I  -

J  - jumps of joy

K  -

L  - lots of love

M  - minutiae of mundanity, mediocrity of the mundane

N  -

O  -

P  -

Q  -

R  -

S  -sacks of sorrow

T  - tales of torture, tales of torment

U  -

V  -

W  -

X  -

Y  -

Z  -

How do I not love thee

how do I not love thee?
let's not bother counting the ways
my mind can't think of sense or rhyme
to show the depth and breadth and height
of how I don't love thee

But if truth be told and heart unlocked
I love thee
I love thee
I love thee

_________________________________________
*Inspired by

XLIII. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..." by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with a passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

How many "This is the last time.."-s do you you need before you stop fooling yourself and actually move on?

A dreamland haiku

Smile and walk with me
Hold hands in the sunlit street
Part when roused from sleep

Keep Calm

Photo credit: www.presentermedia.com

Free! Iwatobi Swim Club

I thought I'd try my hand at those Keep Calm posters!

I got the photo at the bottom right from glogster.com

teeheehehee.

Who am I?

No, really. Who am I?

I've tried answering this but no easy answer comes. I am all the things that I have experienced. All the people I have loved and who have loved me. All the densely packed cells, molecules and atoms, and all the infinite space within.

Who I am changes with every letter I type in this post, every second that passes, every cell that dies, every electron that spins on its orbit.

Who I am now means that there was a me then, and a me in the future. And this me now who is no longer, but was the me of the future.

When the now is so encompassing that a blink can be eternity and every breath could be infinite, who I was and who I will be fade into insignificance compared to the peace of being now.

When the now is so fleeting that a blink can be death and every breath could be final, who I was and who I will be fuses to the me now who lives with the demands of being now.

In that moment when I of past, present, and future become one, every experience flashes by in confusion, all love and hurt are one, subatomic particles fall out of sync and crash into each other, the universe expands and contracts, a supernova. Until all I see is light.

And I am light.

that awkward moment

when you realize you're the one who can't move on

FML

DIY: Letting go (An outdoor activity)

Imagine one of those fluffy grass seeds that were so common those lazy summers of our childhood in Manila. Or maybe an individual dandelion puff.

Picture one in the center of your palm. Don't close your fist. Hold your palm flat or slightly curved. Cradle that seed.

Close your eyes. Remember all the things that you want to let go. Or focus on only one. A person. Of course, it's always a  person. Think of all the things about him that make you hold on to him. Let them flash in your mind one-by-one. Laugh if you feel like it. Cry if you need to. Make sure that you include every detail.

Now, try to push all these thoughts and memories into the seed cupped in your palm. You still have that seed don't you? If you've crushed it or forgotten about it, go back to the first paragraph.

Infuse that seed with everything that you want to let go. The weight of the years and the intensity of your feelings might make you think that the seed can't hold it all in, but it will. Trust me.

When you are sure that you have cleaned out your mind very well, and have not kept a secret stash of memories somewhere else, say your goodbyes. Say it because you need closure. Say all you need to say, all that you have kept inside for so long. The words need to go as well. The seed has more than enough room.

When all this is done, you are ready.

Hold your hand completely flat and blow on the seed. Watch it fly away, rising into the air.

Turn away before it descends. You don't need to know where it goes or where it lands.

You have let it go and it is no longer yours.

You have let him go and he is no longer yours

Feel the depth of emptiness. Don't worry about it. You will soon fill it up with other memories.

The things I thought about when I learned I was dying

Do I tell? Who do I tell first?

Of course my family. But which of my friends? At work? Will they treat me differently? Do I want to be treated differently? Can I trust them not to treat me differently? Can I trust them to not show any pity? Maybe I shouldn't say anything? Just live my life as normally as possible? Maybe they'd want to spend more of their time with me since I have so little time left? Should I pull back?

Do I start doing all the things I wanted to do? Try the crazy things and get the adrenaline rush? Or do I enjoy the quiet times and realize that the best things are in the little moments?

Do I go to all the places I planned to visit? Travel the world while I'm still able? Or do I stay where I am and find that there is an entire universe in my neighborhood?

And what about ? Should I let him go? I could be so selfless and tell him he deserves someone so much better, someone who could give him forever? But wouldn't he see that as selfishness on my part? What if he wants to spend the rest of my life with me. Would it be right for me to make the choice for him? 

Or maybe I could be selfish and keep him by side as much as I can. Squeeze a lifetime together in the months I have left?

Oh my God, I have so little time and I have to make the best of it. But I don't know what is the best.

on the mystery of life

I  hold life so cheaply that it causes me amazement that those who have so much less than me cling to life so tenaciously.

Have they found an elixir to make everything seem so golden? A poison to make you love and enjoy, even as life slowly kills you?

Or maybe that's the beauty of life that I seem to have missed.

Pico de Loro

My dad's group of friends (seriously, all senior citizen-retirees) decided to go to Pico de Loro. My Dad can't move around easily, so my Mom had to accompany him. And since my Mom can't manage my Dad, the luggage and what-not by herself, my brother and I got free, all-expenses paid "vacations" in exchange for assisting and being gofers and errand boy and girl for the parents.

In between all that, I managed some pictures. ;)

The entrance at the Pico Hotel Sands where we all stayed. Or Pico Sands Hotel. Or Hotel Pico Sands. Or some arrangement thereof.

The back lawn of the hotel

At the clubhouse

View of the beach from the St. Therese chapel

The  infinity pool fronting the beach

A panoramic shot of the man-made lake (click for full size) behind the hotel

The beach was okay by my standards -- no rocks, no seaweeds. But there were fish swimming with you. And once when I was just floating, I saw an eagle soaring in the sky!

Kainan sa Dalampasigan

On the way to Pico de Loro, we had lunch at Kainan sa Dalampasigan (somewhere in Batangas). It's a beautiful and airy restaurant with a lot of plants.

We had binalot which was rice (lots of it), chicken and pork adobo, and inihaw na hipon (roasted shrimps?), all wrapped in banana leaf. Hence, binalot = wrapped. We also had roasted tomatoes, bulalo, and since there were a lot of us, we got free leche flan for dessert. Yay! I wasn't able to finish all my rice, so my brother and I swapped. Some of my rice for his roasted shrimps.

Pictures! (no food pictures though)

The sign at streetside:

 The welcoming doorway:

Ceiling and floor:

The fountain. Oh, there's me too.

English-speaking si Wampo

My mom, overhearing my cousin talk to Wampo (brother's puppy) in Filipino, said to Ian:

"Ian, sabihin mo kay Julius, english-speaking si Wampo."

My brother, without even pausing to think, replied:

"Mabuti na yon madami syang matutunan na language habang puppy pa sya."

--------------------
My brother's puppy is going to be multi-lingual. Hihihi.

Work Portals

Wouldn't it be great if we had portals that connected our work cubes/space with our bedrooms?

Wake up late?

Rush through your morning routine. Step through the portal. Whoosh. Not late.

Want a nap in the middle of the workday, or really, at any time at all?

Get up from your office chair. Step through portal. Whoosh. In your bedroom.

Wake up refreshed. Step through portal. Whoosh. Back at the office.

The portal would be calibrated to you specifically, of course. We don't want just anybody stepping through it into your bedroom after all.

Or the wizards should just democratize the knowledge on how to disapparate. Pffftt.

mukha kang gandang-ganda sa sarili mo

So, I think I have just received the worst "compliment" of my life and it has been making me feel like crap the past few days.

It's also made me realize that I still have a long way to go with my zen, even though I've applied understanding and compartmentalization.

But anyway, it's a new week so I'm just putting it out there. Hopefully, the wind would do a better  job of blowing it away from my mind, or the universe would just swallow it up, or something.

Clarity and serenity to you.

I don't need all the love in the world, I just need yours.

The beauty of saying "NO"

In hindsight.


It was raining that night. That night, like many others before it, when we had dinner with friends and talked about life in general, complained about work, and bemoaned our love lives. You were on  your way to recovery after a bad breakup. I was in between dates. You offered to drive me home, since my car was coded and I opted to commute instead of waking up early.

"C'mon, I'd drive you home." Such a simple statement from you to me. Said countless times in various contexts. In Filipino (the way you said it) evoked care and concern and all the chivalry of courting -- "All done? Hatid na kita sa bahay."

It evoked intimacy. The kind that we've danced around but never acknowledged during all the time we spent together. We knew what this was leading to. It wasn't a simple drive home. That drive home would be the turning point in our relationship. From friends to more. It would  have been like settling into the relationship simply by default.

Yet, something in me didn't want that. All the time I'd known you, you were in this relationship. We had moments that never became more simply because I refused to make you that guy who cheated on his girlfriend. And I wasn't that girl anymore. You never made overt moves. I never encouraged you. But we knew that something was there between us. And I didn't want that then.

There you were without a girlfriend and there's that something between us. And you offered to drive me home. And I didn't want that then.

"No, thank you."

It was a simple statement between us. It was me saying "No" to all you were offering. Saying "No" to all the possibilities that could be us. Saying "No" to you.

Have I ever regretted that? No. (There's that beautiful word again)

I've idly wondered what it could have been like with you. But it's not some "go-back-in-the-past-and-change-it" moment. It was the right decision for both of us.

Because if I had said yes, you wouldn't have met the love of your life now. :)

But that's another story.
----------------------------------------------------------------
 By the way, I'm expecting an engagement announcement from you guys soon. Happy anniversary!

Baguio Country Club

Overcast two-day stay at the Baguio Country Club. It was for work but it wasn't so stressful and I got some much deserved (lagi naman) R&R.

Little nook over our seminar venue

View from our bedroom window. It's so peaceful, isn't it?

Facade at dusk

Pictures were taken with my camphone so there aren't as high-def as I would like, but you get the idea.

Acuatico

So the family went to Acuatico for the weekend. Place was great and the staff were great. The food was a bit so-so but then again, I'm on a diet. Hehehe.

At that time, the place was fully booked, but you wouldn't feel it. the cottages were grouped around the infinity pool and it was quite private.

Even fully booked, the pool was never more than a third full, it was that big! I realized I don't have pictures of the beach, but it was good too. Sand wasn't really powdery, but it wasn't rocky either. And it didn't have seaweeds. :)

Loungers were generously placed around the pool and on the beach.

I could definitely come back here!

what to do when someone, whose opinion you have always valued, doesn't even make the effort to clear a few minutes to listen to you?

Letting go is easier than one expects, when one doesn't have a choice.

Caramoan

For the Holy Week long weekend, G invited me to join her church group for a 3,000 peso-challenge vacation in Caramoan. Kuya Mark arranged everything for us and I just had to appear at the designated meeting place. Nice, right!

For those geographically challenged like me, here's the wiki link on Caramoan.

We left on wednesday night and arrived at about lunchtime on Thursday, after a butt-numbing van ride through the night. (There were 14 of us and no hope of getting bus tickets with the Holy Week crush.) Then a 2-hour boat ride (also butt-numbing since you had to sit on a very narrow bench with little leg room). Then a trike ride until we reached Paniman where we rented a house (Kuya Ramil! He's famous). Kuya Ramil's wife also prepared our food for us including packed lunch for island hopping.

After some freshening up, we went straight for the short trip island hopping. Then the long-trip island hopping on Good Friday where after swimming and rolling in sand, we also played capture-the-tail(?) and patintero. Just before sunset, we went to the cave where Survivor holds some of its council meetings. We were not prepared because though some  of us had portable lights, we left them at the house. Sayang. hahaha.

Then, for dinner we had  Kuya Rico's surprise(?) birthday celebration -- with pansit, cake, and ice cream. We also played pinoy henyo, I lost because I couldn't guess "Bam Aquino". Nyak.

We left on Saturday and got back at around 12 midnight.

My left side was totally sunburned (because of the boat rides while island hopping) but I made lots of new friends!

I was a bit lazy and too preoccupied to take pictures. Here are some of them.

And hey, we exceeded the 3000 pesos budget by (drum roll please) 180 pesos. Hahahah! Great fun. I hope they invite me next time. :)

she shrugged because that was what one did when one had her heart broken

Paper Quilling: Christmas Decorations

Way delayed post and out-of season. LOL! I know Easter just passed, but here are some christmas decorations made through paper quilling!

Paper quilled pictures

Paper quilled snowmen

Quilled christmas tree

All courtesy of my creative sister! 

Oh hello there.

I haven't been posting lately because, well, because I've been busy and I haven't had any drama lately. Whew what a relief!

So what have I been up to?

Well, I'm now up to date with Naruto manga and anime. Yay!

I'm reading more -- trashy and non-trashy novels. :) I've had my head up in the clouds or immersed in a novel lately.

I have a secret undertaking which, for now, must remain secret.

I've come to terms with the longest heartbreak I've been nursing and decided that I can still be friends with him...because he has no idea he's broken my heart. Of course, this is still subject to evaluation.

To take my mind off things, I've enrolled in a MOOC. hahaha. Massive online open course. I love it though it eats a lot of my time.

Generally, I've been peaceful like I've never been peaceful before.

I'm hoping to get the writing juices flowing but I really have no idea of a story or even a small bit of dialogue that's begging to be written.

Oh, I got a haircut. Yeah I got a haircut.

Work's still good.

And sometimes, sometimes I think I can go on like this forever.

If this isn't peace and serenity, I don't know what is.

"not all who wander are lost"

--- yep, some of them are running away.

"God helps those who help themselves"

Does this work in dating too? So, should I ask him out?

I talked about you today. Kind of casual-like. Because you were relevant to the discussion.

I was glad to know that I can talk about you, without feeling a twinge. I didn't even feel sad.

I'm almost there.

Happy New Year!

In line with my goal to CREATE more, I decided to take pictures of fireworks! Yeah!

I don't usually go out on New Year's Eve because I'm asthmatic, plus, I'm afraid of stray bullets. But I decided to do so this year just so I can take pictures. I stayed out on the second floor balcony. The view wasn't really that clear as it was cloudy that night. And the fireworks were a bit far away. Good thing, my camera had pretty decent zoom.

I thought it would be easy to take pictures but it was actually frustrating! I had to zoom in, and get the timing right. Which was really hard!!! I used the fireworks preset on my camera and it was a bit slow in processing the pictures. Anyway, here are some of my attempts (I had LOTS!!!):

Difficulty getting them into the frame and timing's off:

I really couldn't get the explosions at the right time

Here's some success. This one's a bit nearer but blocked by some trees and power lines. Didn't have to fiddle with the zoom:

Happy New Year! I had some lucky shots and I uploaded them on Starry-Eyed Photos :)