A delayed good-bye

"Someday WE will laugh about this."

This was the motto of our friendship. We were two crazy people who had found a willing conspirator in each other. We got into messes. We got into trouble. We had adventures. Boy, did we have adventure!

I think it helped that while we were completely different people, we viewed the world as our playground. And we had the same idea of fun, though we had different strategies for going about it. You preferred a more regimented and scheduled adventure. I was great with spur-of-the-moment stuff. You needed a script. I enjoyed adlib.

We both loved pizza and beer. And ice cream and cake. And sitting at the beach whistling at all the cute boys.

When we had boyfriends from the same crowd, you imagined our life together. We'd live next door and we'd be godparents to each other's children. I had no plans of having children then but I said yes. Yes, I would be the cool godparent who will side with them when they got in trouble. Or give them advice on how to enjoy life without getting in trouble.


College came and went. We stayed at the same dorm. Dated guys from the same frat. Had a long-term relationship or two. Then graduation. And work, we're we finally separated. But we lived on different floors of the same building, because we were independent that way.

When my last boyfriend and I broke up, you were there to hold me as I cried. You made sure I ate and cleaned up my apartment. You got my mail and made sure my bills were paid. Was it your guilty conscience?

I recovered. But it hasn't been the same. I'm not as fun as I used to be. Or at least not as fun with you.

What did you expect? You think you've atoned for what happened. I've forgiven you. And him. Maybe I should have seen what was happening. But I never did because I never expected it from you. Or him.

The day I finally decided to move away, we both cried. Not because of what we will be missing but because of what we've lost. I had this speech prepared of us growing apart and maybe needing to live our lives separately. But I ended up saying everything raw. Adlib. I told you you didn't need to see me to the airport.

I got into my new apartment, on this beautiful island at the other end of the country. I got an SMS from you.

"Someday we will laugh about this. Wish you the best of luck!"

I never did reply. But some days it weighed on me.

Sometimes, I would go down to the beach and look at the tourists. No, I don't whistle at the cute boys or men anymore. But I remember that we did and I smile to myself.

I heard that you were no longer with him. That you'd gotten so far as to get engaged but for some reason the wedding didn't push through. I wondered if I should contact you. But I pushed the thought away. You didn't tell me you'd gotten engaged and un-engaged. I think since I moved away, we've realized that somewhere, we were no longer friends. And our lives have moved on without each other.

I miss who we were when we were young, but I don't feel the compulsion to seek you out now.

I'm not sure if this is the someday you were talking about or we've envisioned when we were young. But hey, I remember the things we did, and I laugh about it.