Not this time

I'm tired of making excuses for you. All those times you didn't respond, I figured, hey, you must be busy. Nevermind that people usually check their messages at the end of the day, right? Or, the next day? But c'mon, sunday afternoon on a long weekend? Nobody's that busy! Did you do a no-technology thing? Ok, that might explain this weekend, but I highly doubt it. You sleep with your phone. And what about all those other times?

So, anyway, you had the gall to make me feel guilty with tears and sobs and all that. What about this time? What about you?

Just remember, I wasn't the one who let go.

dreaded friend zone

So I have this friend I friend-zoned years ago. The thing is I want to try to get him out of there. How will I do that?

Another thing, he's never tried to get out of the friend zone. I mean I don't think he has made any attempt to be more than friends with me.

Would it be smart to do something about it? What if he doesn't want to get out of friend zone?

What scares me?

it scares me that we are okay together. no extreme highs and lows. just a stable pace. not monotonous. feels like we can go on for days and days and reach forever. that kind of ok.

it scares me that i get nervous around you sometimes and my brain fogs up and i don't see or hear or think.

it scares me that when i look at you i can see us together, with kids, damn it!, being the perfect middle class suburban family.
it scares me that i get this feeling that i can totally lose myself in you. and it scares me that i'm not sure if i can come out the other side, still me or better or lost. and despite this uncertainty, it scares me that i'm willing to try anyway.

it scares me how i keep pushing you away because i'm scared, and it scares me how you keep coming back.
it scares me how comfortable we are with each other. it scares me how after several days apart, we can pick up our conversation as if only moments have passed.

it scares me how you're always there for me, even on my worst days. with your caring, your understanding, your humor.

it scares me that you understand me so well and know when to call me out and when to indulge me. 

it scares me that you might know me better than i do myself. and it scares me that knowing all these, you still want to be with me.

it scares me how warm you feel to me when i touch you. like you're the only real person around me. it scares me that i feel so safe when i'm with you.

it scares me how much i want to be within the cradle of your arms at night. it scares me that when you kiss me i never want you to stop.

it scares me that it's probably going to be easy between us. it scares me that we might be perfect for each other.

it scares me that i might wrong about everything about us. it scares me that there is an "us".

and it scares me because i think i love you. and it scares me more because i think you love me back.

does a haiku really need a title?

packed packed packed packed packed
still no visa no visa
damn damn damn damn damn

To You

You'll continue sending me random texts throughout the day even though we're talking via YM. I'll continue sending you virtual hugs and kisses and rolling eyes and applause and whatever ym emoticon I'm in the mood to send you.

Thanks for the conversation today. You always soothe me.

Well, damn!

Courtesy of http://9gag.com/gag/214040

Does a haiku need a title?

still waiting in vain
wish i could catch a snowflake
but no, it's hot here

Over the weekend

and after much consideration, I finally let Mr. Ex (formerly known as Mr. Right-now) go, in the hopes that Mr. Friend-who-talks-to-me-about-business-and-real-life will realize that he just might be Mr. Right-for-me.

Tick-tock tick-tock

Suck it in

For the year 2011, I resolved to lose some pounds or at least get back to my former waistline. I've joined L, R,  I, G, E, (and J?) in their RTH. Hehehe.

Well, I'm proud to announce that I now have a waistline of 27 inches....

If I suck everything in and not breathe, and we measure at the smallest portion (i.e., high-waisted). Oh, and please don't mind the belly fat rolling over the tape measure.

Yay! *pumps fist*

Thank you. Bow.

That's what I'm talking about

Friend-who-shall-not-be-named, referring to stalkee-of-the-moment, said:

"We are so made for each other...I can't imagine having sex with him, but I can clearly see that we're going to be perfect together."

I'm a Tech Guru

According to the New York Times Personality Quiz, I'm a Tech Guru. 

"You are something of a traditionalist in your attitude to life and the perfectionist in you is constantly seeking the ideal blend of formality and pleasure in your lifestyle. Your down to earth nature and sense of structure is what makes it attainable. You are thoughtful and original in your outlook. You like to be made to think and often seek out ways to expand your horizons.

You have an inquisitive mind and possess an irresistible urge to experiment with everything around you. You're a real get-up-and-go kind of person who likes to keep at least one finger on the pulse of everything that's hot and happening from the latest movies and sport to the coolest technologies and gadgets. A true entertainment junkie, there's no chance of you ever getting bored and you're always the first to get your hands on some shiny new gizmo that's going to revolutionize your life. You have a realistic outlook on what you can achieve and enjoy attention to detail in most aspects of your life."

Here's my visual DNA result: http://nytimes.visualdna.com/attempts/29970db8-5c87-4375-9339-1dedcfb4813c/feedback

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Except for the "always the first to get your hands on some shiny new gizmo that's going to revolutionize your life" part, I agree with the description. Hahaha!

Try the New York Times Personality Quiz yourself :  http://nytimes.visualdna.com/quizzes/2b32bbf5-fb42-566d-a053-590cadd5f6e2/api-accounts/5cce676c-4146-5eff-bc51-839a03c2dcdd?id1=twitter

Beauty vs. Brains

Given the choice between beauty and  brains, with the condition that I absolutely have to choose one, I gave my best beauty pageant answer (which won't make me win, by the way):

"I'd choose beauty. Other people will choose brains since it will enable them to do a lot of things including make themselves beautiful. But I'd rather be beautiful. Because life is hard and ignorance is bliss. Thank you."

Cue John Wayne (?) with Morgan Freeman's voice:

"Life is hard. It's even harder if you're stupid."

Monster PMS

BF comes home to find me comfortably bunked down on the sofa with the remote control and a big bowl of popcorn.

BF: "What are you doing? I thought you're going out with the girls tonight."

Me: "I decided not to. I'm majorly PMS-ing."

BF: "Ha! Here is evidence that I'm always paying attention to what you say. You said you had PMS last week!"

Me, giving him a glare: "Well, yeah smart guy. Last week was pre-MS. Now, it's present-MS."

BF scratches his head and sits down by my feet: "That's the first time I've heard of that. So, how long will you be bitchy?" BF gives my calf a squeeze to show me he's joking. "I was thinking we could join A and S when they go surfing next week."

Me, feeling bitchy because he mentioned it: "That depends. I might have an attack of post-MS...Then there's post-post-MS or pre-pre-MS depending on how you want to look at it."

I feel really guilty for giving him a hard time so I scoot over and give him a big hug. :)

if we ever get around to having a relationship

If we ever get around to having a relationship, I won't ever ask you to carry my purse.

My laptop bag, yes. My document bag/slightly girly satchel, maybe. But, my purse, never!

Promise.

And if you ever ever! volunteer to carry my purse (I don't care if you think you're being a gentleman), I WILL HIT YOU WITH MY PURSE. And if I see one trace of enjoyment on your face, I WILL BREAK UP WITH YOU!

Great. That's settled, then.

Wet in Corregidor

Trying to take advantage of the long weekend on June 18-20, K and I planned to go to Las Casas Filipinas de Acuzar in Bagac, Bataan to soak in some Philippine history. Unfortunately, we weren't able to book as planned, so that's still in our to-go-to list. Instead, we got an overnight stay at Corregidor through Sun Cruises.

Since it was a long weekend, the parents, Bruks and Porkchop also came with us.

Booking with Sun Cruises didn't take any time at all. Everything was done online and we just went to the Sun Cruises office near CCP on June 19 to start our weekend getaway. It was a super rainy weekend but we still continued. The boat ride was really choppy and a lot of the passengers were literally turning green. Hehe.

Porks was being mayabang and he continued eating his chips even though people around him were throwing up. K and I were praying that we wouldn't smell anything, because once we smell it, we might feel nauseated too. Hahaha.

Once we docked in Corregidor, it was straight to those cute tourist trams for a tour around the island.
 
We got an old guy for a tour guide who claims he looks like Jimmy Carter and kept on saying that he was looking for a wife. LOL.

We were shown around the island and where the old buildings and who lived where.

Of course, Gen. Douglas MacArthur.

Then we went to the Malinta Tunnel for the Light and Sound Show.

Oh, and we had a buffet lunch at the Corregidor Inn, where we were also staying for the night. Food was homey but wasn't exactly great. But not bad either.

 Then more island touring: the museum, lighthouse, viewdeck, friendship something.

The barracks and buildings. (Terrible with paying attention to place names.)

 We saw the guns.

And played with the guns.

The great thing about it being a rainy weekend was that everything had this freshly washed bright green hue. Really beautiful.


After the afternoon tour, those who availed of the day tour, went back to Manila. Personally, the day tour is really bitin because there's still a lot more to do. So we had a short rest. Then at dusk, we joined the Malinta Tunnel-Night Lateral Visit, where we entered some of the open tunnels and visited the hospital and saw some of the living quarters inside the tunnel. The guides were great and one of them even kept hiding in odd places hoping to surprise or scare an unsuspecting guest. Then in one of the better paved parts of the tunnel, the guide had us all turn our lights off and walk to the end of the tunnel. K and I sort of cheated because we kept our hand to the wall to guide us while walking.

After the heat and humidity inside the tunnels, we went out to the cold drizzly evening. K and I both had a slight sniffle going to bed that night.

We had the option to join a sunrise tour but we all agreed that we were on vacation and opted to sleep in. We were tired and it was raining and the airconditioning and the bed were inviting. Hahaha.

Monday was still rainy, but we got a van to go around the island once more to go back to the sites we weren't able to appreciate the day before.

For an overnight stay for P2599 per person, our quick vacation was well worth it. Although, the Corregidor Inn needs some refurbishment in terms of bathroom fixtures. That's the only thing I remember that needed improvement. Maybe K can remember some more.

Oh, and it also has a reading room, where K and Bruks borrowed books for some bedtime reading. K even bought one.

Anyway, Corredigor was fun! And I think I should go back there when it's sunny. Plus, I wasn't able to do the Rock Balancing, the beach visit, and the island hike. Hmmm, when I get fit, maybe I should join the Corregidor Adventure Challenge. Nyek.

The private investigator (Part 2)

"Mrs. Fielding, your father has asked to see you. He has been in the hospital for the past month," Jared said.

"Please don't call me by that name. You may call me Rose. I am not unaware about my father. I already talked to my lawyers and given my answer. You apparently have been incommunicado," Rose said with a touch of humor. "Please, mister, enjoy the scenery while you still can. It's beautiful here and the place will give you peace."


"Jared," he said by way of introduction. He moved to sit down beside her. "You seem happy now, yet a few minutes ago, you were crying like there was no tomorrow."

"I was just crying out of self-pity. Nothing to worry about, Jared," Rose replied with a shrug. "There's a storm coming in. You should call my father before the phone lines go out. Report that you found me but that I refuse to go with you. That way you can at least get paid for your trouble."

Jared looked over at her. "Thank you for your concern but I have everything covered," he said lightly. "Nothing to worry about, Rose."

Jared saw the slight smile that lifted Rose's lips as she registered her words thrown back at her.

"Mrs. Fielding, --" Jared began.

"Rose," she interrupted with a raised brow.

"Rose," Jared continued, "do you really plan on turning your back on your father's million-dollar empire? The press is having a field day on your continued absence."

"I wasn't planning to. Actually, I thought I was already 'turning my back' on it as you so quaintly put it. I have no interest in my father's empire nor his millions. Which is why you came here for nothing."

Rose stood up and continued, "Excuse me, I'm sure I won't be seeing you again. It was nice to meet you Jared."

Jared watched Rose walk away. He wondered what she would do when she found out that he had no plans of going unless he had her with him.

Steve Jobs

I dreamt about dead spiders and woke up to the news of Steve Jobs' death.

I may only have an iPod and an iPad, but those two things changed my life, and indirectly, Steve Jobs changed my life.

He changed the way I listened to music. He gave me music, literally at my fingertips.Later, he gave me videos and movies. (Through my brother's iPod video or something)

My idle time is no longer idle because of the iPad. Hahaha.

Steve Jobs had 56 years and he changed the world several times over. He is a part of every day of our lives.

His influence was such that his death even created ripples in my dreams.

RIP Steve Jobs.

Down again

Recent events have had me thinking about God again. Most everyone who knows me know that I don't regularly go to church. I was born and baptized, I have received most of the sacraments because of my Catholic school upbringing, but I have never imbibed the church-going habit. Don't get me wrong, I pray a lot. I just don't go to church.

The tragedies that are occurring daily, whether of nature or man-made, have me feeling hopeless again. I've always been fairly unstable, with extreme ups and downs (though, I've never been diagnosed as needing chemical therapy), let me just say, that I have been having a lot of trouble maintaining the "up" lately.

Well, anyway, I've been wrestling with the existence of God. Again. Some people will disagree with me. Sometimes my thoughts go in a circle. Sometimes they go in a straight line with a very logical conclusion. But here's the gist of what troubles me.

1. God doesn't exist and this is all there is.

2. God exists, why does he let these things happen?

3. God exists, and he's causing everything to happen, because a very smart person said "God doesn't play dice with the universe".

This also applies to what I sometimes think about when I think about Jesus, Judas, Herod and Pilate.

4. God wanted us to be saved.

5. He decided that Jesus would die on the cross for us.

6. In order to do that, Jesus should be caught and sentenced to be crucified.

7. So why are Judas and Herod and Pilate vilified for their roles in our saving?

8. People say that free will had a role in this. Really? Even in light of God's plan?

9. If we are saved, what is the meaning of all this?

Anyway, what does it matter right?

Pedometer

My officemates and I heard about the free pedometer when you buy 1 kilo of Milo. We missed the schedules promo at the Trinoma, but Ate V was kind enough to buy for us at SM Masinag last Saturday.

I can imagine Ate V lugging around 4 kilos of Milo to get me, G, Ate T and Ate A our pedometers.

Come Monday, we all received our pedometers with glee. Seriously, giddy with our new gadgets. And it came with an instruction leaflet too.

We're supposed to have a minimum of 10,000 steps each day. Minimum?! Ohmygod. It's harder than it sounds. I wore mine from 8am to 10pm and only got 5551 steps. Gaah!

Anyway, the pedometer's pretty cool, because you can see the calories supposedly burned:

or the kilometers walked:

or, if you don't like the metric system, the miles walked:

So I'm happily walking (well, sort of) but we also have 1 kilo of Milo each to finish. Hahahaha.