Sofitel poolside

For New Year, JM decided to treat us to a dinner at the Sofitel buffet. Sofitel recently suffered damage from flooding and most of the damage was to the poolside and Spirals (the restaurant where the buffet is). So they've temporarily transferred the buffet to the lobby.

Ok, so I don't have pictures of the actual buffet and the food I ate because, you know, once I've got food in front of me, that's the only thing on my mind. Hahaha. I think we got pictures AFTER eating, but that's with JM's camera.

While waiting for the buffet to open, we were able to stroll a bit around the poolside. It's amazing what great landscaping can do. There was no sign of any flood damage to the poolside. Well, anyway, I only got pictures of the red light tree.

You are proof that God loves me

Ma'am C gave me this waving flower for Christmas. It has a solar powered battery thing so I placed it by my window.

My window gets the morning sun so when I arrive at the office the flower is waving and bobbing merrily like the sunflowers in Plants vs. Zombies. And by the time I go home, my window is already in shadow from the trees and building next to ours, so the flower no longer waves. It's like a signal to end the workday. Hahaha!

It's just too bad that my window is to my back so I don't really see the flower. But I hope everyone who comes into our room is cheered up by it.

Dusk in Quezon Avenue

December 2, 2011

Er and I were waiting for En and we decided to park at BPI along Quezon Avenue. It had been a rainy day and even though it was not yet 5pm, it was already quite dark.

I'm not sure what I was taking a photo of, but it's a good bet it was the sky. I like taking pictures of the sky.

in preparation for the new year: resolutions

In line with simplifying a lot of things in my life, I'm just going to stick with two goals for 2012.

1) Be happy.
2) Be content.

(Because "Stay hungry, stay foolish" is already overused, no?)

Not happy with Santa

Ayan! Kanta kasi ng kanta ng "All I want for Christmas is You"

Wala tuloy napala. Kaunting gifts lang, wala pang you.

Weh.

in preparation for the new year: taking stock

It's right about that time of year when people take stock (ok, most people take stock) and make lists of their bests, worsts, favorites, least favorites of the year. I don't do that and I won't start doing it now, well, the  "making lists" part anyway.

2011 was ...(stares blankly at the screen for several seconds)

I don't think I'm going to find a SINGLE word to encompass 2011 except maybe,  hmm, 2011. (hahahah!) But, I'm still going to try....alphabetically, and I'll try really hard to be super positive.

2011 was (all about) ...

Adventurous -- went on several trips this year. The highlight of which was the impromptu trip to Sydney, Australia with E. (I cannot promise a blog entry on it, but it's on my hope-I-get-around-to-it list.) Plus, the QC adventure club with R, L, I, E, G, and whoever else we can invite.

Breakups -- spent a lot of time listening to friends' sob/rage stories about their respective break-ups. Makes me wonder how I'll be if I ever get around to having a relationship. On the positive side, they are all fine and recovering well, I think.

Chilly -- No love life! Hahaha!

Decisive -- took positive steps with respect to what is good for me and what's not. Learning to say "No".

Efficient -- career-wise, the year has been great. Cleared the backlog in my office and now we are well ahead of schedule. Worked out a system with the boss to help us all manage our case load better.

Financial responsibility -- controlled spending. Started a time deposit. Continued my SSS contributions. How's that for someone on a government salary?! Not as wealthy as if I had continued in private practice, but at least I go home at 4:30pm. Hahaha!

Growth -- emotional - check, physical - uhm, check. Serious poundage has been added. Hmmm, maybe I can just pretend to be pregnant. As to the emotional side, yes I'm still as emotional as ever but I've learnt a little restraint when it comes to letting my emotions run free. Hello, repression! Hahaha.

Honesty -- no more lying to self...other people, fine. (-__-)

Indifference -- sometime in the second quarter of the year, I just stopped caring about current events. I no longer read the papers. What I know of current events are mostly from twitter, and snippets I see or hear on tv or on the radio. I don't even read the funnies anymore.

Jogging -- well, I wanted to. I even got the shoes.

Koko Krunch -- rediscovered the joys of munching on this chocolate cereal. Probably part of the reason for the excess weight. Hehehe.

Love life -- absent. See entry for C. hahaha. Good thing I have family and friends who love me.

Maturity -- does being mature include not eating that last slice of cake? If yes, then I've gained maturity. (If being able to follow a diet is a sign of maturity, then I'm not yet mature.) Hahaha. And  people don't mistake me for a high-schooler anymore. I file my bank statements, pay my taxes and my credit card bills. I don't throw a tantrum when I don't get what I want. Hooray for me!

Nephilim -- read a lot of angel and nephilim books this year. Bestsellers and YA. Hahaha!

Orange -- My sister gave me a Body Shop Natural Lip Roll-On with an orange flavor. It's a lip moisturizer/gloss. I love it and I use it everyday. Super yummy.

Playdom -- well, Gardens of Time, actually. I used to play this for hours on end when I started. I've stabilized now and play maybe 9-10 hours a week. Replaced my Plants vs. Zombies addiction.

Quilting -- yeah, right! I just can't think of anything related to me that starts with a Q.

RTH -- road to hotness project with R, L, I and E. I'm sometimes compliant, more often not. But it's a goal that's concrete, attainable and... I should have another word there but can't think of it right now.

Stories -- in my head, about other people, about my life. It's why I started doing this thing (i don't think this qualifies as a blog) in the first place. It's mostly fiction anyway.

Toughness -- saying "No". Staying calm even when others are unfair. Not saying anything when it would just hurt someone. I was really tough on my inner bitch as well as on my inner (spoiled) child. Net effect = neurotic needy bitch. I'm not doing this again. Hehehe.

Understanding -- that family is difficult and you make the best of it. Even when I don't want to anymore.

Voice -- started singing again. Oh joy.

Writing -- my first novel. Uh, no! I am too lazy already. I think my writing job has taken it's toll on me. Doesn't matter that I'm writing on completely different subjects. Sometimes, I read what I've written and I think, "wow! this is as dry as a codal". There goes my plan to annotate the Tax Code. Hahaha!

X-rated -- I wish. Hahaha!

You -- but I'm moving on now.

Zen - Yep, it was all about finding my inner peace. The latter part of the year was spent trying to live my life as calmly and serenely as possible. Did it in real life and I hope I can continue it, but can't really avoid all the drama in my head. Hence, the continuing emo crap in blog entries. (There go the supposed positive inner language.) Hahaha!

Well, after some work I finally did this alphabetical thing (whose shit idea was this anyway?). Should have just said 2011 was great and been done with it.

And what is this if not a list? Huh?!

in preparation for the new year: saying goodbye

I'm glad to announce that I no longer get hurt when you don't talk to me. It happened last night. At first, I wasn't sure what had changed. Then I realized there was just this glorious lack of feeling. I looked closer, I closed my eyes. Yep, not even a twinge to mark the moment.

And while it's sad that our friendship had to come to this, or end like this, it does make some sort of sense. Ours was one of convenience, mostly yours. And though you have always been the nice guy, and I was the dreamy and romantic girl, you were really quite brutal, that one time when you had to make a choice.

But we recovered from that. And we became friends again. Again, it's not working. Maybe it never worked because it was and has only ever been me.

But I think I should also thank you. I'm not going to have a long drawn out internal battle to continue waiting for you. Your one-two technique was quite effective that I never went through the rage of hating you. Your gradual disappearance simply led me into this state of indifference where it doesn't matter if you talk to me or not. It was gradual. Unnoticeable at first. Inexorable.

What I've been doing

So this has been one crazy December. Coming off a two-week vacation at the end of November, I entered December in a really good, but admittedly lazy, mindset.

The family put  up the Christmas tree while I was gone. It collapsed the second day I was back, prompting me to declare that "Christmas is cancelled!" It's my inner scrooge. Hehehe. We put the Christmas tree back up.

Beginning December, I didn't mind that Christmas and New Year would fall on weekends. I felt complacent since I'd done the bulk of my gift shopping in October. (How's that for being a responsible adult? Ha!) I left out buying anything for the office so I had to rush that on the second December weekend.

Oh! My birthday! Well, I got my license renewed, went to the office, had dinner with En and Er. It was a great dinner, except that I wasn't feeling so great by dessert time. I was distinctly queasy and asked to cut short the dinner. En drove me home and I threw up in the car. (Ewwww) Well, not in the car car, but in a tissue box while in the car. Hahaha!

Spent the rest of Friday night and early Saturday morning kneeling before the white throne. Slept the whole day. Watched the azkals game on TV. Started manifesting a fever at about 6pm until my temperature peaked at 38.6C. Woke up on Sunday with no other symptoms except for lack of appetite. (My sister started her stomach bug a few hours earlier, and my brother fully developed the flu). Happy birthday to me! We had lechon and cake. (Though I wasn't able to eat much.)

Then the slew of birthday lunches and dinners and christmas get-togethers. I'm tired and my wallet is tired and my credit card is peeling. Hehehe. There were a couple of disappointments regarding my birthday, though, but I guess you really can't have it all. (But, we could've had it all!!!!!)

M offered to drive me home but I said no. I hope he doesn't take it as a "I'm not interested." It's just that that was a bad time since K and I had other plans that night. So, M, let's try it again, okay?

The office Christmas party. Gifts. Lots of food and christmas goodies. To hell with RTH. I'll just put it in my 2012 resolutions.

Anyway, I've got two more working days until the Christmas/weekend. Another 4 working days until New Year/weekend. And bam! its 2012!

I can already tell it's going to be a great 2012. Why do I know this? Because first day back at work, January 2, I'd be leading the flag ceremony at the office. Oh dear.

Random Thoughts on R

Dear R,

I just found out that you and your girlfriend are no longer together. I don't know the why and how though I have a general idea of the when. I'm sad for you, well, sort of. In the same way that, I guess, I wasn't really sad that you and she got together in the first place.

You were like the Ryan Gosling of my law school days. Someone I really liked but never did anything about. The guilty pleasure. The secret love though I knew it would never come to anything.

You were this really cute Chinese guy, sensitive, smart and macho. Ok, maybe the macho part is stretching things a bit. A lot. Hahaha! Lanky body. Dry sense of humor (though terrible taste in games when it comes to party games). You get really red when you drink. Your nose gets really red when you have a cold. I love your gold-rimmed glasses.

I like the fact that you are so passionate about your beliefs and your convictions. I could probably listen to you (and read) when you are discoursing on politics and economy and current events. I'd probably just take the side against yours just to get you riled up. But I admire you for your convictions.

I remember wanting to sit beside you in class, but since I was an junior joining your sophomore class, you already had your seating arrangement down pat. It was probably better that I didn't sit beside you, I didn't want to take that class for a third time. Hahaha!

You were always nice to me. Though I was never popular, always on the fringes, you saw me and acknowledged me. And talked to me when we both weren't in a hurry as was usual in law school. Aside from those classes together and random conversations, we never really had any interaction. And after law school, I lost track of you. Nevermind facebook.

Though you did bring me my dinner once when I was taking the bar. Hahaha! And I did see you once in Makati, you were heading toward the gym at that time and you smiled at me and asked me how I was and where I worked.

Well, anyway, I hope you're fine, though the word doesn't even begin to encompass all the blessings I wish for you.


I wish I could be your friend,
D

Maybe I don't give a fuck anymore

I'm not sure if I'm dealing well with life these days or I just don't give a fuck anymore."

I think I saw this on pinterest, or some other quotes site. Anyway, this has been SOOOOO TRUE lately.
Seriously.

The shortest horror story

 http://9gag.com/gag/991014

Chills up and down my spine...reminds me of some of M. Night's movies.

comfortable like a virtual arm around me

how our conversations that may be weeks apart feel like we're just picking up after a short pause

as comfortable a silence as when we both smile and take a sip of our coffee

like the infinite possibilities that make your skin tingle in those endless hours between midnight and dawn

compressed in those final moments when you begin to see the first purple touches in the sky

forever's never gonna happen

somewhere between the tedium of our now and the anticipated euphoria of forever, you lost me.

or i lost myself.

it doesn't matter.

it all means the same thing.

i lost you too.

(and i like tempting fate, so I'm saying never!)

LTO Marikina adventure

I had to renew my driver's license and instead of going to an LTO office at a mall, I decided to go to LTO in Marikina since I could get there before 8am with no hassle.

Remembering that I needed a drug and medical test, I was at LTO Marikina at around 7am. I asked around where I could have the tests done and one LTO public assistance person led me (and I placidly followed, hahaha, despite all instructions not to go with strangers when I was a kid) to a small building across the street. It was a seedy and cramped building with slightly questionable stairs and fire safety. (I prayed that I wasn't being led somewhere where I would be sold into slavery or something). The second floor turned out to have a small drug test facility by the name of Drugcheck Philippines, Inc. The people there were friendly. But seriously, the place was cramped, and since I was the 5th person there (and the only girl!), I had misgivings. Hahaha! Anyway, finally a girl staff (well, sort of girl, because she was clearly a tomboy) arrived and made me slightly less uncomfortable (the next lady customer wouldn't arrive until I was finished filling out the forms and waiting for my turn at biometrics). Thankfully, the lab had okay and clean facilities for collecting the sample. Ms. Jackie (or Kuya Jackie) even made the effort to clean out the toilet before it was my turn. I was done with the drug test by 7:40am and was directed to get my medical test at another clinic down the road.

The clinic was another seedy and cramped place, located in a small alley just two corners away from LTO Marikina. It was near all the shops that provided TPL and other insurance. I was informed that the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8:30am. The first four guys before me at the drug test were also at the clinic. Hahaha. I didn't make friends because I wasn't in the mood. Good thing that the place had pretty decent airconditioning.

And oh my god, I'm already 51 kilos. Anyway, once the doctor arrived, she was all business. I was out of the clinic by 8:40am and at LTO for what I hoped would be a quick renewal.

As usual, as I neared LTO Marikina, the fixers started approaching me and saying they could have me out of there in less than hour. Since it was early yet and I believe in eliminating corruption and red tape, I refused any offers for help and went into LTO. There weren't a lot of people there yet, mostly those registering vehicles and applying for student permits.

I filled out my forms and got number 22 on the queue. The number didn't really matter since I was immediately directed to Window 1 to have my picture taken and signature captured. Go to Window 2 to submit documents. Sit near Window 8 (Cashier) and waited for my name to be called to pay the fee. Once paid, go back to Window 1 to submit documents and receipts. Go to Window 4 to wait for the actual license to be released.

It felt like forever, but I was actually out of LTO Marikina by 9:30ish and I was at the office by 10am.

Drug test-P300.00
Medical test-P100.00
Renewal-P417.50

Another successful adventure-priceless.

Happy birthday to me!

you again

Sometimes I get so excited expecting something. so sure that something's there. then the day comes and pfft...nada nothing zip zilch.

Managing expectations sounds like a good plan.

I wonder if managing expectations equals having no expectations when it comes to you?

dreaming in picasso

sometimes you run to see who would come after you

sometimes you wake up and you're already running
look ahead, far ahead, do you see a goal?

no?
look behind you, is someone there?
is he running after you or chasing you away?

if no one is behind you, why are you running?
can you see where you are?
do you know who you are?

will you know when to stop?
can you stop?

sometimes when I'm running I stop right in the middle and look around
and marvel at how far I've come but with no idea of where I am
or where I'm going
sometimes I forget why I'm running
there's a faint tingle in my memory
a slight brush of fate, sometimes a face, mostly your eyes

I see myself but not myself
yes, myself but so different, enough to not be me but still me
who knew a person could change so much?
who knew that you would change me this much?

but then the strangeness of it all chills me
I look at the empty eyes of the me who isn't me
and she is looking at me, in me, because she is me
and she is alone and it is my fault
because you are gone and it is my doing
and she blames me as I deserve

and  I remember why I am running
not away but to you
but you are no longer there
I speed up, pumping my legs, my lungs aching
I catch sight of you, a distant speck in the never-ending horizon
I am renewed with hope, and though I think it impossible
I gain more speed, closing the distance
Until my eyes adjust, and see you clearer
you are not alone

The wind leaves my lungs
I fall to my knees.

I am alone.

Silent Point of Shame

Filipinos!

When the Arroyos are at the airport (and everywhere else you may see them), let's use the silent point of shame! (Referencing Rafe Bartholomew's Pacific Rims, harharhar, I just finished reading the book.)

Let their passage not go unnoticed, mark it, advertise it. Let our frustration, anger(?), and feelings of futility all out in this silent gesture. We did EDSA for her (ok, granted, we sort of did EDSA for us too), and what did we get in return?

So go ahead, whether you are at the airport, at the hospitals, heck, the sidewalk, and you see them, stand up, extend that arm, use your forefinger (not middle finger, ok!) and POINT.

"I don't know why I'm so bothered." isn't entirely accurate.

"I know precisely why I'm bothered, I'm just in denial."

Tailspin!

I found it!

I remember reading or hearing something like this:

"I do not have enough middle fingers to show you how much I want you to fuck off."


Well, I finally found something that says it better:

Scene 31 (heroine's rant) - In Filipino

"Ang hirap kasi sa 'yo nagpupumilit ka pang mahalin ang ayaw sa 'yo. Hindi mo maintindihan na minsan ang pag-ibig kahit ibigay mo na ang lahat, wala kang makukuha. Hindi ka pa din n'ya mamahalin. Iiwan ka din n'ya. Yuyurakan. Suwerte mo na kung iiwan nyang buo ang pagkatao mo. Tapos ngayon iniisip mo na matutulungan kita? Na tutulungan kita? Huli ka na. Wala na 'kong mabibigay sa 'yo. Dahil bago mo pa sya minahal, nandito na ako. Minamahal ka. Binibigay ang lahat sa iyo. Pero tanggap ka lang ng tanggap habang binubuhos mo ang sarili mo sa kanya. Binalewala mo ang lahat ng paghihirap ko. Hindi mo nakita ang inaalay ko sa 'yo. Tapos ngayon babalik ka at umaasang balik tayo sa dati? Hindi na. Dahil pinaghirapan kong buuin muli ang buhay ko pagkatapos mo akong iwan. Kahit kulang. Kahit pirapiraso. Wala na akong mabibigay dahil ang buhay ko at puso ko, nasa iyo na. Nasa iyo pa rin."

Because it's the weekend and I have a million things to do

This morning's conversation made me realize how much I'm willing to do for you. Well, ok, I already knew it before, but this morning just really drove it home. I'm a slave for you, without Britney's sass.

This makes me kind of sad because you don't seem to appreciate it. Ok, correction, because you don't appreciate it the way I want you to. You know, appreciate it and me like that. Like me like that. Love me like that.

Because I think I already love you like that.

3 haikus

I think I should choose
you and I or him and me
I'm fooling myself

what's the point, I ask
it's just illusion at best
only in my mind

keeps me up at night
the itch I will never scratch
shit! I have to choose.

petty things

sometimes the worst thing is waiting

sometimes the worst thing is knowing what you want but knowing you can't get it

sometimes the worst thing is being unsure

but i have never been through anything where the worst thing was failing

because more often than not, the run-up to the failure was worth it

Where did I read or hear this?!

"I do not have enough middle fingers to show you how much I want you to fuck off."

Hmmm...I'm not even sure if it is accurate.

It's funny how some people tell you news/gossip because they think it would make you change your mind/do something they want you to do.

They'd be all excited going like "OMG, I have the best news for you." or the favorite, "you'll never guess...."

and I'm like, "Why are you telling me?"

Not this time

I'm tired of making excuses for you. All those times you didn't respond, I figured, hey, you must be busy. Nevermind that people usually check their messages at the end of the day, right? Or, the next day? But c'mon, sunday afternoon on a long weekend? Nobody's that busy! Did you do a no-technology thing? Ok, that might explain this weekend, but I highly doubt it. You sleep with your phone. And what about all those other times?

So, anyway, you had the gall to make me feel guilty with tears and sobs and all that. What about this time? What about you?

Just remember, I wasn't the one who let go.

dreaded friend zone

So I have this friend I friend-zoned years ago. The thing is I want to try to get him out of there. How will I do that?

Another thing, he's never tried to get out of the friend zone. I mean I don't think he has made any attempt to be more than friends with me.

Would it be smart to do something about it? What if he doesn't want to get out of friend zone?

What scares me?

it scares me that we are okay together. no extreme highs and lows. just a stable pace. not monotonous. feels like we can go on for days and days and reach forever. that kind of ok.

it scares me that i get nervous around you sometimes and my brain fogs up and i don't see or hear or think.

it scares me that when i look at you i can see us together, with kids, damn it!, being the perfect middle class suburban family.
it scares me that i get this feeling that i can totally lose myself in you. and it scares me that i'm not sure if i can come out the other side, still me or better or lost. and despite this uncertainty, it scares me that i'm willing to try anyway.

it scares me how i keep pushing you away because i'm scared, and it scares me how you keep coming back.
it scares me how comfortable we are with each other. it scares me how after several days apart, we can pick up our conversation as if only moments have passed.

it scares me how you're always there for me, even on my worst days. with your caring, your understanding, your humor.

it scares me that you understand me so well and know when to call me out and when to indulge me. 

it scares me that you might know me better than i do myself. and it scares me that knowing all these, you still want to be with me.

it scares me how warm you feel to me when i touch you. like you're the only real person around me. it scares me that i feel so safe when i'm with you.

it scares me how much i want to be within the cradle of your arms at night. it scares me that when you kiss me i never want you to stop.

it scares me that it's probably going to be easy between us. it scares me that we might be perfect for each other.

it scares me that i might wrong about everything about us. it scares me that there is an "us".

and it scares me because i think i love you. and it scares me more because i think you love me back.

does a haiku really need a title?

packed packed packed packed packed
still no visa no visa
damn damn damn damn damn

To You

You'll continue sending me random texts throughout the day even though we're talking via YM. I'll continue sending you virtual hugs and kisses and rolling eyes and applause and whatever ym emoticon I'm in the mood to send you.

Thanks for the conversation today. You always soothe me.

Well, damn!

Courtesy of http://9gag.com/gag/214040

Does a haiku need a title?

still waiting in vain
wish i could catch a snowflake
but no, it's hot here

Over the weekend

and after much consideration, I finally let Mr. Ex (formerly known as Mr. Right-now) go, in the hopes that Mr. Friend-who-talks-to-me-about-business-and-real-life will realize that he just might be Mr. Right-for-me.

Tick-tock tick-tock

Suck it in

For the year 2011, I resolved to lose some pounds or at least get back to my former waistline. I've joined L, R,  I, G, E, (and J?) in their RTH. Hehehe.

Well, I'm proud to announce that I now have a waistline of 27 inches....

If I suck everything in and not breathe, and we measure at the smallest portion (i.e., high-waisted). Oh, and please don't mind the belly fat rolling over the tape measure.

Yay! *pumps fist*

Thank you. Bow.

That's what I'm talking about

Friend-who-shall-not-be-named, referring to stalkee-of-the-moment, said:

"We are so made for each other...I can't imagine having sex with him, but I can clearly see that we're going to be perfect together."

I'm a Tech Guru

According to the New York Times Personality Quiz, I'm a Tech Guru. 

"You are something of a traditionalist in your attitude to life and the perfectionist in you is constantly seeking the ideal blend of formality and pleasure in your lifestyle. Your down to earth nature and sense of structure is what makes it attainable. You are thoughtful and original in your outlook. You like to be made to think and often seek out ways to expand your horizons.

You have an inquisitive mind and possess an irresistible urge to experiment with everything around you. You're a real get-up-and-go kind of person who likes to keep at least one finger on the pulse of everything that's hot and happening from the latest movies and sport to the coolest technologies and gadgets. A true entertainment junkie, there's no chance of you ever getting bored and you're always the first to get your hands on some shiny new gizmo that's going to revolutionize your life. You have a realistic outlook on what you can achieve and enjoy attention to detail in most aspects of your life."

Here's my visual DNA result: http://nytimes.visualdna.com/attempts/29970db8-5c87-4375-9339-1dedcfb4813c/feedback

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Except for the "always the first to get your hands on some shiny new gizmo that's going to revolutionize your life" part, I agree with the description. Hahaha!

Try the New York Times Personality Quiz yourself :  http://nytimes.visualdna.com/quizzes/2b32bbf5-fb42-566d-a053-590cadd5f6e2/api-accounts/5cce676c-4146-5eff-bc51-839a03c2dcdd?id1=twitter

Beauty vs. Brains

Given the choice between beauty and  brains, with the condition that I absolutely have to choose one, I gave my best beauty pageant answer (which won't make me win, by the way):

"I'd choose beauty. Other people will choose brains since it will enable them to do a lot of things including make themselves beautiful. But I'd rather be beautiful. Because life is hard and ignorance is bliss. Thank you."

Cue John Wayne (?) with Morgan Freeman's voice:

"Life is hard. It's even harder if you're stupid."

Monster PMS

BF comes home to find me comfortably bunked down on the sofa with the remote control and a big bowl of popcorn.

BF: "What are you doing? I thought you're going out with the girls tonight."

Me: "I decided not to. I'm majorly PMS-ing."

BF: "Ha! Here is evidence that I'm always paying attention to what you say. You said you had PMS last week!"

Me, giving him a glare: "Well, yeah smart guy. Last week was pre-MS. Now, it's present-MS."

BF scratches his head and sits down by my feet: "That's the first time I've heard of that. So, how long will you be bitchy?" BF gives my calf a squeeze to show me he's joking. "I was thinking we could join A and S when they go surfing next week."

Me, feeling bitchy because he mentioned it: "That depends. I might have an attack of post-MS...Then there's post-post-MS or pre-pre-MS depending on how you want to look at it."

I feel really guilty for giving him a hard time so I scoot over and give him a big hug. :)

if we ever get around to having a relationship

If we ever get around to having a relationship, I won't ever ask you to carry my purse.

My laptop bag, yes. My document bag/slightly girly satchel, maybe. But, my purse, never!

Promise.

And if you ever ever! volunteer to carry my purse (I don't care if you think you're being a gentleman), I WILL HIT YOU WITH MY PURSE. And if I see one trace of enjoyment on your face, I WILL BREAK UP WITH YOU!

Great. That's settled, then.

Wet in Corregidor

Trying to take advantage of the long weekend on June 18-20, K and I planned to go to Las Casas Filipinas de Acuzar in Bagac, Bataan to soak in some Philippine history. Unfortunately, we weren't able to book as planned, so that's still in our to-go-to list. Instead, we got an overnight stay at Corregidor through Sun Cruises.

Since it was a long weekend, the parents, Bruks and Porkchop also came with us.

Booking with Sun Cruises didn't take any time at all. Everything was done online and we just went to the Sun Cruises office near CCP on June 19 to start our weekend getaway. It was a super rainy weekend but we still continued. The boat ride was really choppy and a lot of the passengers were literally turning green. Hehe.

Porks was being mayabang and he continued eating his chips even though people around him were throwing up. K and I were praying that we wouldn't smell anything, because once we smell it, we might feel nauseated too. Hahaha.

Once we docked in Corregidor, it was straight to those cute tourist trams for a tour around the island.
 
We got an old guy for a tour guide who claims he looks like Jimmy Carter and kept on saying that he was looking for a wife. LOL.

We were shown around the island and where the old buildings and who lived where.

Of course, Gen. Douglas MacArthur.

Then we went to the Malinta Tunnel for the Light and Sound Show.

Oh, and we had a buffet lunch at the Corregidor Inn, where we were also staying for the night. Food was homey but wasn't exactly great. But not bad either.

 Then more island touring: the museum, lighthouse, viewdeck, friendship something.

The barracks and buildings. (Terrible with paying attention to place names.)

 We saw the guns.

And played with the guns.

The great thing about it being a rainy weekend was that everything had this freshly washed bright green hue. Really beautiful.


After the afternoon tour, those who availed of the day tour, went back to Manila. Personally, the day tour is really bitin because there's still a lot more to do. So we had a short rest. Then at dusk, we joined the Malinta Tunnel-Night Lateral Visit, where we entered some of the open tunnels and visited the hospital and saw some of the living quarters inside the tunnel. The guides were great and one of them even kept hiding in odd places hoping to surprise or scare an unsuspecting guest. Then in one of the better paved parts of the tunnel, the guide had us all turn our lights off and walk to the end of the tunnel. K and I sort of cheated because we kept our hand to the wall to guide us while walking.

After the heat and humidity inside the tunnels, we went out to the cold drizzly evening. K and I both had a slight sniffle going to bed that night.

We had the option to join a sunrise tour but we all agreed that we were on vacation and opted to sleep in. We were tired and it was raining and the airconditioning and the bed were inviting. Hahaha.

Monday was still rainy, but we got a van to go around the island once more to go back to the sites we weren't able to appreciate the day before.

For an overnight stay for P2599 per person, our quick vacation was well worth it. Although, the Corregidor Inn needs some refurbishment in terms of bathroom fixtures. That's the only thing I remember that needed improvement. Maybe K can remember some more.

Oh, and it also has a reading room, where K and Bruks borrowed books for some bedtime reading. K even bought one.

Anyway, Corredigor was fun! And I think I should go back there when it's sunny. Plus, I wasn't able to do the Rock Balancing, the beach visit, and the island hike. Hmmm, when I get fit, maybe I should join the Corregidor Adventure Challenge. Nyek.

The private investigator (Part 2)

"Mrs. Fielding, your father has asked to see you. He has been in the hospital for the past month," Jared said.

"Please don't call me by that name. You may call me Rose. I am not unaware about my father. I already talked to my lawyers and given my answer. You apparently have been incommunicado," Rose said with a touch of humor. "Please, mister, enjoy the scenery while you still can. It's beautiful here and the place will give you peace."


"Jared," he said by way of introduction. He moved to sit down beside her. "You seem happy now, yet a few minutes ago, you were crying like there was no tomorrow."

"I was just crying out of self-pity. Nothing to worry about, Jared," Rose replied with a shrug. "There's a storm coming in. You should call my father before the phone lines go out. Report that you found me but that I refuse to go with you. That way you can at least get paid for your trouble."

Jared looked over at her. "Thank you for your concern but I have everything covered," he said lightly. "Nothing to worry about, Rose."

Jared saw the slight smile that lifted Rose's lips as she registered her words thrown back at her.

"Mrs. Fielding, --" Jared began.

"Rose," she interrupted with a raised brow.

"Rose," Jared continued, "do you really plan on turning your back on your father's million-dollar empire? The press is having a field day on your continued absence."

"I wasn't planning to. Actually, I thought I was already 'turning my back' on it as you so quaintly put it. I have no interest in my father's empire nor his millions. Which is why you came here for nothing."

Rose stood up and continued, "Excuse me, I'm sure I won't be seeing you again. It was nice to meet you Jared."

Jared watched Rose walk away. He wondered what she would do when she found out that he had no plans of going unless he had her with him.

Steve Jobs

I dreamt about dead spiders and woke up to the news of Steve Jobs' death.

I may only have an iPod and an iPad, but those two things changed my life, and indirectly, Steve Jobs changed my life.

He changed the way I listened to music. He gave me music, literally at my fingertips.Later, he gave me videos and movies. (Through my brother's iPod video or something)

My idle time is no longer idle because of the iPad. Hahaha.

Steve Jobs had 56 years and he changed the world several times over. He is a part of every day of our lives.

His influence was such that his death even created ripples in my dreams.

RIP Steve Jobs.

Down again

Recent events have had me thinking about God again. Most everyone who knows me know that I don't regularly go to church. I was born and baptized, I have received most of the sacraments because of my Catholic school upbringing, but I have never imbibed the church-going habit. Don't get me wrong, I pray a lot. I just don't go to church.

The tragedies that are occurring daily, whether of nature or man-made, have me feeling hopeless again. I've always been fairly unstable, with extreme ups and downs (though, I've never been diagnosed as needing chemical therapy), let me just say, that I have been having a lot of trouble maintaining the "up" lately.

Well, anyway, I've been wrestling with the existence of God. Again. Some people will disagree with me. Sometimes my thoughts go in a circle. Sometimes they go in a straight line with a very logical conclusion. But here's the gist of what troubles me.

1. God doesn't exist and this is all there is.

2. God exists, why does he let these things happen?

3. God exists, and he's causing everything to happen, because a very smart person said "God doesn't play dice with the universe".

This also applies to what I sometimes think about when I think about Jesus, Judas, Herod and Pilate.

4. God wanted us to be saved.

5. He decided that Jesus would die on the cross for us.

6. In order to do that, Jesus should be caught and sentenced to be crucified.

7. So why are Judas and Herod and Pilate vilified for their roles in our saving?

8. People say that free will had a role in this. Really? Even in light of God's plan?

9. If we are saved, what is the meaning of all this?

Anyway, what does it matter right?

Pedometer

My officemates and I heard about the free pedometer when you buy 1 kilo of Milo. We missed the schedules promo at the Trinoma, but Ate V was kind enough to buy for us at SM Masinag last Saturday.

I can imagine Ate V lugging around 4 kilos of Milo to get me, G, Ate T and Ate A our pedometers.

Come Monday, we all received our pedometers with glee. Seriously, giddy with our new gadgets. And it came with an instruction leaflet too.

We're supposed to have a minimum of 10,000 steps each day. Minimum?! Ohmygod. It's harder than it sounds. I wore mine from 8am to 10pm and only got 5551 steps. Gaah!

Anyway, the pedometer's pretty cool, because you can see the calories supposedly burned:

or the kilometers walked:

or, if you don't like the metric system, the miles walked:

So I'm happily walking (well, sort of) but we also have 1 kilo of Milo each to finish. Hahahaha.

Another Jump Shot

I went to Bohol with the family and G, from the office. I'm still sorting through the photos, but here's a jump shot at the resort.

Ignore my photo-bombing sister in the background.

An ode to the UP Pep Squad for winning the 2011 UAAP Cheerdancing Competition.

I may be out of shape. I may be tired from walking all day. But I can still do a pretty decent jump, even in tight jeans. Bwahahaha!

When (when?!) you marry me, I promise not to make you go through a cheesy pre-nuptial shoot. But we're going to have one right?

When I get pregnant, I promise not to make you go through those pre-natal (?) pregnancy (?) shoots that everyone seems to think is cool these days, but just makes me go "eewww".

As if I wasn't confused enough

"Sometimes I feel scared and alone, and while I’m pretending I don’t like you like that, I know for certain that you will always be there for me when I need you, and I’m scared that if you knew how I really felt, you wouldn’t be there for me at all."

Why I Pretend I Don’t Like You Like That

From http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/why-i-pretend-i-dont-like-you-like-that/

I’m pretending that I don’t like you like that, and I bet you don’t even know. Why would you? I’ve put a lot of effort into this charade, and I’m pulling it off with such ease I’ve almost even convinced myself that I don’t like you like that. Sort of like that creepy thing people do when they’re sad and just smile anyway; eventually the smile becomes real, and the forced weirdness just fades away.

So listen, instead of telling you I like you like that, this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to tell you about some other guy I think is hot or who I’ve slept with recently. Maybe I want you to get jealous, but mostly I just want you to get the impression that I don’t like you like that. I’ll probably hit you in the arm when you say something funny, or brush against you as I’m getting a drink at the bar. Maybe I want you to like it, to think about what if I were naked, but mostly I just want to be close to you in the most inconspicuous way possible.

I’ll keep hanging out with you, so you will know I want to be friends, but sometimes when you text, I wont answer immediately, and sometimes I’ll have other plans that I won’t change to see you, because I want you to think that I don’t like you like that. Sometimes I think that if you do like me like that, I want you to feel the way I feel when I think you don’t like me like that — and when I think these things it makes me an awful person, and I wish I could be less vindictive about it. I pretend that I don’t like you like that because I don’t want you to have the satisfaction of knowing that I do.

Right now I’m wondering if you’re reading this and wondering if it’s you, because if you are then maybe you like me like that too, or maybe you just see right through me and my façade isn’t as perfectly curated for emotion as I thought it was. You know we have fun; I see how you laugh when I tell jokes. Sometimes it makes me think that you like me like that too, but it’s not hard to convince myself of my former opinion — that of course you don’t like me like that. So I’m going to keep pretending I don’t like you like that (maybe forever) because I’m terrified that you don’t like me like that in return.

What you don’t know is that sometimes I can sleep at night because I’m thinking about you. I’ll smile about something you said and concoct scenarios in which you’re madly in love with me and we’re vacationing in some exotic location, drinking out of coconuts. What you don’t know is that when other guys, great guys, make passes at me I reject them because I know it’s unfair to give them my kisses when really it’s you I’m picturing kissing me back. What you don’t know is that every time my phone lights up with a text from you, I feel as giddy as a school girl and I tell all my friends, even if it’s as simple a text as, “How you doing?”

And you’re never going to know any of this (do you think that’s poignant or pathetic?) because I can’t stand the thought of you rejecting me. I would prefer to watch you hand in hand with a thousand girls that aren’t me than to hear that we will never be together. I’m going to keep pretending that I don’t like you like that because as long as I am, I can pretend that maybe one day you will like me like that too. Because in this big city, sometimes I feel scared and alone, and while I’m pretending I don’t like you like that, I know for certain that you will always be there for me when I need you, and I’m scared that if you knew how I really felt, you wouldn’t be there for me at all.

The right kind of attitude!

Source: thrilld.com via Walter on Pinterest

Inside my mind

"If you wanted to talk to me, you would."

 Considering the fact that you have not talked to me in a while:

Me: "This applies to me also. So if I want to talk to you, I would."

Other Person with Me: "I'm going to walk away now."

Other Other Person with Me: "Well, that was a slap in the face."

Other Person with Me: "Seriously, you didn't see that one coming?"

Me: "Shut up you guys, I can't hear myself think."

Everyone shuts up.

Other Person With Me: "You don't suppose he's too busy now, do you?

It's closed, thank you

Friend was bugging me, "C'mon, give him another chance."

Me: "No, thank you. I'd already given him several chances, all of which he flubbed. That door is closed. Shut up."

Friend: "When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window."

"I'm not God."

Help! I've lost my sarcasm

Me monopolizing the dinner conversation:

Me, to no one in particular: "You know what, all this being nice and stuff had turned me into a boring person. I think I've dulled my mind and tongue so much I lost all my sarcastic ability."

Pause for breath.

"That, or all the idiots in my sphere have disappeared."

Silence as my eyes fall on my younger brother.

"Yep, I've totally lost my sarcasm."

I continue drawing lines

because I keep on crossing them.

Pool encounter

I was  hanging on (for dear life) to the edge of the pool while I waited for you to finish your third lap today. I was getting tired of treading and I knew you would stop for a few breaths before you started another set of three laps. I know because I'd been watching you for the past days. (And there were times when I swear that you were watching me too!) Haha.

You reached the pool wall beside me and I pasted on what I hoped was a fun and flirty smile (ohmigod, D! This is it!) and said, "Great form." I caught the beginnings of your smile but didn't wait for your response. I started a slow lazy lap to the other end of the pool. Crazy thoughts churning in my head. ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod!!!

I was a third of the way when you passed me. Eeeeeeek! (Seriously, kinikilig na ako by this time, pero wala pang nangyayari). I knew you were waiting for me at the other end of the pool.

I thought about doing a fancy turn kick at the pool wall and not stopping, but hey, I have low EQ, so I stopped and grabbed the pool edge. You were there all right. And you were smiling!

"Hey, nice form yourself," in a tone that made me think you weren't just talking about my swimming technique. Then your eyes made a quick lap down my body like you could see through water. I felt goosebumps rise despite the warm water. ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod!!!

"I work at it," I said and smiled into your eyes. (Hey, I'm not witty in normal situations. I was under undue stress and I'm just glad my mouth worked.) I used my free hand to send a floating leaf toward you and watched the ripples touch your chest. Very. Nice. Chest.

I looked up and found you watching me. You had this small smile playing around your lips. Not an actual smile but it felt like you wanted to smile. I wonder if your lips are as soft as they look. OH MY GOD!

You made a small motion to send the floating leaf back in my direction. (I'm beginning to have trouble breathing. Hahaha!) I watched you watch it as it floated back to me. And your eyes did that slow lap up my body and stopped at my mouth before flicking up to meet my eyes.

I'm going to stop now.

Do you know what orange means?

I'm afraid to ask C. Hahaha!

I'm just tired

I'm tired of putting in more effort than I receive.

Source: imgfave.com via Diane on Pinterest

Maybe it's because I'm not following the Bible: "Ask and you shall receive." Weh.

My first love

I don't remember the first time I met you, but it's been told over and over again during parties that it feels like a real memory for me.

We were at daycare. I was three, you were four. We were both playing by the soft blocks. I was reading a pop-up book and you were building and crashing forts. Really soft stuff for a four-year old boy. LOL!

I don't know what occurred to you then, but you decided you wanted to read the book I was reading so you grabbed it from me. Instead of crying, I grabbed another book from the pile and hit you on the head with it. Clearly, I have a history of violence. LOL.

You were too dumbstruck to hit me back, or that's what the adults said. Or I must have hit you really hard, because you're eyes watered and your lower lip trembled.

The adults like saying that I felt guilty.  Hmm...I probably just didn't want to get in trouble. At an early age, I had an instinct for self-preservation. I dropped the book I hit you with and patted your arm. I pulled out the minnie mouse candy coated cookie I'd been saving from my pocket and offered it to you. You gave me the book and grabbed the cookie.

I sat down and went back to reading the book. You sat beside me, broke the cookie in half and gave me one-half. We read the book together and shared the cookie.

it would be so easy to give up

aim high

Aiming high is easy.

Reaching that goal is another story. Especially if you can't jump.

do you know where you're going to?

Well, I don't.

But I don't think I'm really bothered about that.

bacon-wrapped hotdog

So, was I supposed to find out the truth with the rest of them?

C'mon, where's the love, yo!

I don't mind going to work

Hahahaha!

http://pinterest.com/pin/156999138/